about the video: “Wildflower” is on the Have a Nice Day album (2005) and it was performed live, only twice. This is one of them.
Five days ago I posted a photo on Facebook.
And I wrote an honest, spontaneous message, that uplifted me, yet confronted me with a brutal truth:
How not uplifting my posts had recently been.
That the fear of not having enough time to write these lengthy posts (I have five blogs), had made me way too eager to focus on YouTube, and limit this Rock Star Yoga blog to transcripts of that.
And I must say, these stories held up remarkably well, after being written out from video to blog.
But I didn’t even blog the last ones. I made the drafts, but then I saved them, and never finished them.
After Monday’s rose post, I felt the tables had turned!
And on Wednesday and Thursday I LEAPED, at the YouTube channel!
I created two stories in my Bon Jovi series, and I started teaching real yoga there as well!
So if you subscribe to YouTube, you can still follow the original Rock Star Yoga Bon Jovi series, and the new online classes.
But today (Friday) it was almost as if I had to pay for it..
Now I am not telling the whole story, if I say that today’s meltdown was all caused by a backlash from my work for YouTube.
In fact it wasn’t caused by that at all.
It’s just that I do see a pattern, that whenever I m completely in the zone of doing what I love, I tend to sabotage myself. Or seem overly susceptible to old fears haunting me.
Not in exactly the same way, as they have been doing since I was 15.
That would not work, because ultimately I ve always been able to debunk them.
But they’re masters at shape shifting, and always come up with something new and inventive, that – at least initially – looks as a Real Fear I Should Into.
It may be a real fear, but that doesn’t make it a real threat.
Since last year my fear dresses up as a very particular social fear, and I m not even going tell fear of what, because I have very bad experiences with that.
Ever since my first anxiety attacks, I ve learned that fear is contagious.
If I tell people I have “anxiety” or are “phobic”; they are very understanding.
But as soon as I tell them what it is I fear, they immediately become scared themselves and tell me it’s “good to be careful” and “not everybody has to know.”
In other words, I m actually confirmed in my fear.
I think this is a particular burden to bear for people with social anxiety. I m sure it doesn’t happen if you have a fear of spiders.
But that’s why I m not sharing the specifics.
Just that it hit me hard today, and that it was a difficult day because of it. I had been looking forward to staying productive, and instead something had happened and fear hit me in the head.
It’s very late on a Friday night, and it’s just now that I remember that I was originally so looking for to today; To writing for this Rock Star Yoga blog.
And to announce how I’m totally revamping it, to being a fun, lighthearted, NON SCRIPTED blog!
Ha ha ha!
So either way, although I felt a bit conscious, of rebooting something that is so important to me, on a day where I feel I ve been hit by many demons from the past. Knocked straight on the head! And slapped on the face!
And maybe received a good spanking too!
Although that would have taken the sharpest edges off, I guess 😉
I did feel a bit uncertain to have the audacity to just get back into the saddle, stick to the plan, and say:
“Hey! We’re upleveling this blog, and it’s gonna be so cool!”
The day had not been perfect, and although I was starting to recover from my anxiety, I wasn’t light and bright. And I probably still had demonic residue stuck to my new curly hair.
(I also had a great haircut, which you can see on YouTube)
Yet, I made a decision that getting back into the saddle and sticking to the plan, was exactly what I was going to do.
So here’s the deal:
This is the Rock Star Yoga blog, and it was founded in 2019, to share all the things that Yoga Does Not Tell You.
All the stuff that really doubles or quadruples your energy.
All the fears, and the pain, and the seemingly-not-important-enough irritations with life itself, that are actually holding you back from everything you are meant to be doing, everything you can be, do, have. Holding you back from your purpose, from adventure, from creating a full-blown life you love.
THAT’S Rock Star Yoga.
Originally Rock Star Yoga were these blogposts, combined with YouTube videos (which I had to take down because YouTube unedited my videos) and then for a while it were just transcripts from my new YouTube series.
But what I m going to do is:
Rip the band aid.
Speak from the heart.
Look all those uncomfortable fears into the eye, whenever they come back to haunt me – and they do so particularly when I m going off the path and start to flow with life. And I m going to encourage you to do the same.
Ignore them, let them be, and start moving the needle on your life.
I invite you to follow this blog.
Not to be soothed by a done-for-you formula where you know what to expect. Just like life, there’s no telling what to expect, and what will be shared here!
But I promise this blog will be more bouncy and honest than ever, and it will give you that jump of the heart, or maybe even gut, of feeling alive.
Rock Your Yoga
Rock Star Yoga is based on principles of being your own teacher, raising your energy, using your body as your instrument, and full creative freedom in your practice.
If you would like to practice with a teacher first, you can subscribe to my YouTube, where I will be creating a new database,
or check these recommended resources:
Yoga with Adriene
Yoga with Bird
Yoga with Kassandra
Rebel Yoga Nederlands: