It took a couple of days, before I realized what is going on, and that I will be inconsistent as a content creator (both YouTube and writing, both in Dutch and in English) for a longer period of time.
And that my new business as an online yoga teacher – something I just pulled out of hat and ran with it – is sincerely pulling me off track.
I need to send out some kind of statement, on what is going on behind the scenes, because the guilt is starting to eat at me.
Saturday I started my business, and that’s when it started.
And now it’s Wednesday, day 5, and I ve got my third live class tomorrow night, and I have three other appointments.
How did I get 4 appointments, in quarantine??
Tomorrow morning I have an hour’s work very very early, because of renovations around the house that require my help.
Then I have an appointment with a curator, who is dealing with the company that went out of business and that still has my mailbox.
Then I have hours of admin work and a financial appointment.
And then tomorrow night I have my third live call, which will also be the first Rock Star Yoga class I ever teach, not counting the half hour videos I created for YouTube.
And I feel my own body craving, craving yoga….
Well actually it’s craving sex, but with the C. crisis I put that in the fridge.
I mean, what are the rules on sex?
“The” rules or even just “my” rules?
If I want to be a responsible citizen (and I have vowed to be that, until this crisis is over and then I will never be “Good” again), can I have sex without being married/ living together?
Or with someone new?
With someone I already know?
With someone in good health under 70?
I don’t know, it’s complicated, and to be honest I ve just written sex off for now.
But just to be sure that when I say my body is craving yoga, you know I m lying.
I think it’s debatable if any body has ever craved for yoga, if you ask me.
But I m digressing.
So my body is craving for yoga, but instead of having two yoga moments a day (videos and my own practice), I would now ideally have three:
– my own practice
– the two videos
– teaching yoga online
Since doing the first two had already proven to be a problem – I would get aches and pains in my joints and around my bones – it goes without saying that this week has been impossible.
Today, Wednesday, is my day free from online yoga, and I had hoped to make my YouTube videos, do my creative writing (which I have also not done for weeks) All I managed to do was my groceries, get daylight, cycle, take a nap.
So there you have it.
Oh, and I hardly sleep because teaching nights is messing with my rhythm.
So for now, all I can say is that I have to prioritize straightening out – well, first of all myself! Doing my own personal yoga practice, whilst fully acknowledging that is not what the body really wants but that’s all I can offer it right now.
And then, secondly, I m focusing on teaching a good online class.
So both the English Rock Star Yoga channel channel as well as my Dutch yoga channel will be having new videos.
With the Dutch Corona semi-lock down extended to end of April, I m not sure yet when, or how often.
For me, one of the reasons I started Rock Star Yoga, was because I believed raising your energy was very important.
Living in freedom, and not limiting yourself by what is “good” (doing yoga on Wednesday night) and what is “bad” (secret relationships). I called it Rock Star Yoga because for me it stood for having the life force just flow through you in it’s purest form:
And purpose or passion.
With sex being cut off, I think I m unconsciously searching how I can expand on my purpose and passion, how I can go all-in, more-in, on that, so that I get by.
So that I don’t completely lose all my life’s energy, by being cut off from my own sexuality, with all these rules of social distancing.
Rock Star Yoga was a two pillar philosophy. It was both sex and purpose.
With one gone, it’s just going to take a little while, before I ve got my alternative energy sources in place.
But once you see me creating two videos a day, you know I nailed it.
Or broke the rules.
In June 2020, I renamed this site from Rock Star Yoga to Rock Star Writer.
I ll update all blogposts (there are 46) and will get my fingers into the YouTube channel soon, including retrieving content I had to take down in January because of technicalities.
New videos expected too, at Suzanne Beenackers YouTube
About this blog
These blog posts will go out randomly, as topics reveal themselves.
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* sadly enough all referrals/ links to the Rock Star “Yoga” page on Facebook (url), have become invalid. I intend to start curating this blog, and update the links.