Somewhere there’s a dreamer who will walk a thousand miles

the perfect rebuilding playlist: Bon Jovi 2020 New Songs + Original Pre Covid album

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“Somewhere there’s a dreamer who will walk a thousand miles” is a quote from the song Let it Rain, album 2020 by Bon Jovi

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
― Marilyn Monroe

If I think about the roller coaster from last Wednesday until Tuesday morning (yesterday morning)?
I understand perfectly why ever since then I m walking on clouds!

Why sometimes, not only do things fall apart so better things can fall together, as Marilyn Monroe put it.
But the falling apart also makes the falling together extra sweet.

Even when, as is the case for me, things are nowhere near where I want them to be.
Yet especially taking those last punches, that last day of;
Having nowhere to go with your sick cat, because of practicalities.
The politics around a very painful situation with people you respect yet have to leave.
Having an unprecedented migraine and being on your knees vomiting at 4 AM, in the final hours of what were your 6 days of roller coaster riding.

And you then wake up and the clouds have disappeared! 
Nothing beats that feeling.

At first I was still like; “Is this real?”
And I went about my day as if I was tiptoeing! 
But yeah… it’s over. I m cool.
And the cat is okay. I still have to get him medical attention but he’s stable as long as I give him salmon every three hours (and not chicken).

A recurring more pesky aspect that is causing me to bottom out frequently in 2020 and 2021 is my social anxiety when I have real life interactions. If I have an indoor group activity, could be as simple as going to the movies or going to the hairdresser even, I get a crossover between a jetlag, hangover and an anxiety attack.
Afterwards, not during.

Same with my sex life: 
Usually punished with days of feeling extremely unstable.

Both the cats and me have a long way to go until we are back on our paws, and it will be baby steps when possible but more often it will just be sucking it up! 
I suspect the road to recovery and that place where it’s all still crashing down, will be surprisingly close-knit. 

What helped me through for the most part was realizing that it’s not about what I can or cannot do today, but about what I want to be able to do tomorrow.
Travel.
Be in big groups.
Be free to choose my love life the way I want to.

If I can see something is not sustainable, not healthy, or is even contradictory to what I know is my future, I have to solve it, change it, or in a rare case let it go.

And sometimes… sometimes it’s not about nursing cats back to excellent health;
Not about training yourself back into crushing it out there in the real world;
Not about letting go of something or someone you knew was ultimately not a good fit.

But someone you hoped would be there with you, occasionally, frequently, a surprise guest;
You looked forward to continuing what you had or for them to be there with you. 

Letting them go are the ones that hurt the most.

And it can be unexpected. That you didn’t know you cared that much.

You didn’t know until you found yourself on your knees at 4 AM in the morning, throwing up. 

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer
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NEW 2021: Art & Popular Culture: World Between Worlds 
NEW 2021: YouTube Rock Your Business
NEW 2021: My Main Project: Daily Bon Jovi Yoga

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