One of the most interesting parts for me, when creating the 1995 Bon Jovi concert series on my YouTube, is:
I know I ll learn something from it.
But what?

Just like my Dutch yoga series/ Dutch YouTube, which was supposed to be daily and that fell flat on its face two weeks ago;
It will be okay in the end.
But when?

My online classes, which I taught with so much joy, to friends;
I think I ll pick them up this week, but will I?

I started an entire new series for my pen name which didn’t even make it into a blog. It just stranded. It was supposed to be a 82 day series, that didn’t even make it through the first day.
And I wanted to start doing yoga with Bon Jovi albums again, meanwhile also selecting my favorite songs, reviewing these albums here…
Nothing.

When will I stop being in this cycle of uncreating and self-sabotage?

I went down a slippery slope, ultimately stopping all creative outlets, in the same two weeks I made a BIG decision with regard to work.
And yes- I suppose it was inevitable that going through the decision making process of cancelling the entire side of you that has to do with business, entrepreneurship, with marketing, content management- basically everything you’ve been doing for the past 20 years – will cost some energy.
Of course it will.
But two weeks and counting?

And then there’s some financial things I have to take care of (again, or still) that I also have not done. So after two weeks of doing very little, I also have not done anything useful except for blowing up two decades worth of experience, and (ultimately) today’s decision to start my life from scratch tomorrow.
To pull myself back up on my bootstraps, forget the last two decades, and start again. 

And yet, in those two weeks where there seemed to be forever more ground to be swept from underneath me, I HAVE been consistent with my Bon Jovi series on YouTube.
Until even that became a problem.
And I dropped out on June 6, 1995, their first night in Berlin. 

It was a short show: 1 hour fifty minutes.
You can find it here below.
And it was this show that could have taught me:

– to perform in less than ideal circumstances
Bon Jovi knew right from the beginning of their June 6, Berlin show, they would only be able to play a short set, before curfew set in and the police would get them off stage.
Jon Bon Jovi mentions it several times in the show.

– to push to make it memorable
It was almost like Jon was back to his “opening for the Scorpions” mode, that is how much he engaged with the crowd and cheered them on.
And Richie practically had to win over his own crowd, doing his solo song Stranger in this Town. And he too succeeded and gave everybody a great time.

– to cut corners
They didn’t play anything from their still to be released album, These Days, and focused on the songs everybody knew.

– to take risks
It was the only night they played “Never Wanna Say Goodbye”, with Steven Van Zandt. It was his song, and he was on stage with them every night in Europe.
But this was the only night they played this song. “Without practicing it” as Jon says.

– to be poetic
“The rain held up for us: I think even the angels wanted to see this show tonight.”

Today was the second rainy day in a row, for The Netherlands.
Maybe that was the reason I m still at rock bottom:
It wasn’t time yet, for the angels to intervene.

~Suzanne

Update 

In June 2020, I renamed this site from Rock Star Yoga to Rock Star Writer.
I ll update all blogposts (there are 46) and will get my fingers into the YouTube channel soon, including retrieving content I had to take down in January because of technicalities.

New videos expected too, at Suzanne Beenackers YouTube

About this blog

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 The short but powerful show they gave on their first night in Berlin, with all the lessons in it, I didn’t learn.