If one of these days I vanish?
Even if you know all my accounts – and trust me, my productivity is so high, you do not want to know all my accounts! but for story’s sake let’s say that you do – and you hear nothing from me?
Not a single post, nor a new video, even my teddy bear no longer posts to my Facebook page, and if you’d have my phone number and Whatsapp me because you want to know if my teddy bear is alright, he would not even respond.
Then it’s possible nothing serious happened, and we’re not in bed with a 10 day fever and a positive Corona test, but that I have embarked on a vision quest to DEMAND my vision to show itself to me!
Although demanding will probably have the opposite effect.
A quest to create so much space, and drop ever more layers of who I once was, so that the vision will take the stage and shine.
And rock my world.
Because my vision has been moving in and out of my life for at least 6 years. And every time I try to name it, give it a place, and tie my name to it, it seems to leave.
The thing I am talking about is my vision for (try not to fall asleep as I say this, although I would totally understand) but the thing I m talking about is yoga.
[ you promised to hear me out ]
[ or you didn’t but I m making you ]
I KNOW yoga is alive.
And not just regular yoga that people do to make their lives better. Sure, that is alive too. But that’s not what I m talking about.
I m talking about the very specific yoga, that I have always had in my mind’s eye, and that for the past 6 years I ve called Rock Star Yoga.
That bad ass, rarely spotted, broad shouldered, beer drinking, loud, cool as f, version of yoga?
Oh he/she/it is alive.
Just doesn’t bother to show up consistently, because it leaves that to the living by the rules people.
Doesn’t respond well to expectations either, will leave you hanging for however long it takes for you to let go!
Rock Star Yoga cannot be summoned anymore than you could summon Jon Bon Jovi.
So because this entity has moved in and out of my life and vision for so long, I have decided that it’s time to shift to a higher gear, to make just another reference to Jon Bon Jovi.
Speaking of which!
This entire me getting into an existential crisis about my work, disillusioned by a profession I thought I had become, (I was into yoga professionally for 20 years, training years included), resembles Jon Bon Jovi’s soul searching in 1990 when he made Blaze of Glory solo album.
From what I remember, he made a road trip to the West coast, spent days on the set in New Mexico, on the set of Young Guns 2. Made a cameo appearance, wrote the song Blaze of Glory on a napkin, pitched that as the soundtrack, and then wrote a whole album for Young Guns 2.
It was a solo project, without the band. He was now collaborating with guest musicians.
And what had started with a cameo ended with Jon Bon Jovi reinventing his music and himself.
And winning every music award there was to win in 1990.
So, I ve said goodbye to my students, to my yoga business; I no longer play old songs.
I m inspired by new things, new influences, but two and a half months after ending the lease of my yoga studio, my plan to reinvent myself has not been as concrete as heading to New Mexico.
And I don’t even know WHAT to reinvent!
Am I still a yoga teacher even? Or no?
Am I still an independent even though I do not own a business anymore and never want one ever again?
Am I a writer?
Am I a performer?
The strongest pull is from yoga. That’s what I was interested in 23 years ago, and that’s what I did for a living for a long time.
But if I want to continue with yoga, even more than Jon Bon Jovi with his career in music, it really IS time to reinvent my craft!
I absolutely cannot go on like this any further.
Teaching yoga has broken me.
Either me and yoga reinvent ourselves, uplevel and start kicking some serious butt.
Or it’s time to leave the remains of the yoga that once was, in the desert of New Mexico and never look back.
So if you can’t find me, I’m with my teddy bear on the back of my bike, and we’re cruising route 66, each with our own thoughts.
And I m just going to see where life takes me.
I m gonna hang out with people who have asked me for a one-off gig, and I ll be like;
“You know what? I ll do a whole project! This could be fun!”
Although “fun” may not be the right term here.
Because there was one thing, on that bland Wikipedia page about the album Blaze of Glory, that really struck a cord.
A word when I knew:
“God damn it…. that’s it. I know that’s it.
That’s the thing I am looking for.”
And the word was not reinvention.
It was redemption.
Rock Star Writer
And for “Travel updates” on how me and yoga are going:
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