Ever since my college years where I once made the mistake to go out on Christmas Eve and there were only a handful of people in the bar
– in my defense: In the Netherlands Christmas is built around first and second day of Christmas, not Christmas Eve-
I seem to need this total Christmas disconnect wake-up call every 7 years or so.

And judging from the pointless exercise I just made to the business building where I have a mailing address only to find it closed early?
That 7 year marker was today.

You can’t escape destiny, because I sure as hell tried! 
You see, whereas normally I would never have gone there on a moment where there may be informal pre-Christmas afternoon drinks going on, with me being the casual visitor and ALL sides feeling awkward? 
I knew that was not the case this year! 

It’s 2020 and we’re all in lock down, saving me a lot of thinking about how to avoid being a party crasher at working life, extrovert life, or family life situations.
Or how to avoid being too heavily confronted with everybody who has entrepreneurial drinks, business drinks, or other work related drinks. 

It’s not that technically I would not be able to have them, although maybe by now it would be difficult because everybody knows I ll gladly clean up after you, pay you a bribe, or babysit your alligator;
Anything in order not to attend.

Technically, “I” was often welcome to attend.
But because what I stood for, who I am, wasn’t, I never wanted to go.

I felt I, as in who I really am, was never invited.

Although I had one friend in 2017 who invited the real me to her birthday. To this day I still remember and appreciate that, and I now know I was right in suspecting that real me was never invited all those other times and also that I was right in deciding I was never going to attend another party not feeling the way I was welcomed in 2017.

So although my problem with socializing is broader than just December, this month in particular, covering up, NOT naming things, and turning yourself inside and out to avoid confrontations, and to pretend everything is fine seems to be THE central underlying premises of all festivities.

I feel in order to be acceptable to people I have to dim my inner light to a degree that could barely hold a teapot lukewarm.

You cannot attend unless you re willing to play the game that everything is fine.
Even though, obviously, everything is rarely fine and the beehive usually has more the likings of a hornets’ nest.

So compared to other years I thought this year would be surprisingly easy in avoiding uncomfortable confrontations surrounding Christmas.
Until two hours ago and I stood in front of a dark office building.

Now I have a firm belief that everything happens for a reason.
For example, a not very far fetched scenario could be there was a letter from tax services in my mail, that would have spoiled my post-admin glow, which I attained when after basically 20 years of having a business, I could close the books Tuesday and sent them to my bookkeeper. 
.
Maybe Universe made sure an order I had placed for Christmas, was delayed and rescheduled twice, so I ended up housebound today.
By the time the parcel had arrived, I was too late and the building had closed.
Maybe I was never meant to find my mail today.

So it’s not the mail I worry about.

My worries are deeper, more profound, and they have the urgency of an existential crisis that needs to be solved NOW, as far as I am concerned.
Why am I disconnected from society?
What the F is this?
What is, the broader picture of the broader picture of the meta of things and THEN the meaning of life, for me?

The answer came to me by remembering a video which was posted this week.
Bon Jovi | Legendary Concert at Rosemont Horizon | Rosemont 1993

In the description box of this 1993 Bon Jovi concert, YouTube’s most popular Bon Jovi channel hAnD90 wrote: 

“This show was THE TURNING POINT of the Keep The Faith tour and the one that gave us the “holy” month of April.
Jon referred to this concert a couple of times in interviews himself.

Allegedly, someone had said to him backstage that this would be the last time he’d be able to play such a venue since Keep The Faith had been far behind most people’s expectations and ticket sales weren’t going well either.

It is said that this put Jon over the edge and they went on to perform as if it was the last time they’d be able to take any stage.

Concert attendees stated that Jon had to literally be carried off stage due to physical exhaustion after the set.“

Jon Bon Jovi had to be carried off stage.
At the threat of being pushed down in rock n roll hierarchy, 7 years after achieving world fame and beyond with the album “Slippery When Wet”,
he was prepared to give it his all.

There is a saying: 
“It is never crowded, along the extra mile.”
Meaning that if you are willing to give more, give it your all, and rather die trying than give up? 
The world is yours.

And so it was.
The world became theirs, once again.
Resulting not just in what are considered their strongest years of touring, but also what many consider their best record These Days (1995) 

Ultimate though, the string of successes came to a still.
Everyone went their ways.
Jon appeared to have lost his heart to acting and his late 90s solo album was an indie record, not a rock record.

It became awfully quiet.

Until seven years after that Rosemont concert, Bon Jovi punched the world in the gut with their comeback album, Crush (2000) and first single It’s My Life.

This ain’t a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

With the album Crush and the single It’s My Life, Bon Jovi broke into what would become their most successful and productive decade ever.

Once every seven years we all get a chance to pick ourselves up.
To get our asses back on that stage, and to give it our all.
Pull all the stops.
Blow the fuses.
Fire on all cylinders.

And to not just go that extra mile; But to stretch it to its maximum potential. 

Until you have absolutely nothing more to give and they have to carry you off stage.