Author: Suzanne Beenackers

creative writer & artist

Exile On Main Street | work like a rock star

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It is one of the few Rolling Stones albums I own that was not released when I was alive and aware of it. It is not related to concerts, it’s not one of their ample live albums. Nor is it from my father’s cd collection, which I inherited.
Exile on Main Street.

I have a 2010 double cd edition, and the sole reason I bought it is because the way it came about is illusive, and well documented too. I remember seeing an entire documentary although I have no idea where I saw it, it’s not on YouTube, currently.
The story of this album is what brought me to buy it.

At the time of the recording, The Stones were facing several professional, legal and financial adversities and trauma. They had shifted gears and had started their own record company, but things were far from settled.
The fate of The Stones was standing on the edge of a knife and the recording was a serious business undertaking.

Yet despite of that – or should we conclude “BECAUSE of that”? – at the Villa Nellcôte in the south of France where they were to write and record this album, numerous people stayed and visited, outside the band.
Socializing and fun were as much part of the recording process as writing and recording was.

from The Guardian:
“People appeared, disappeared, no one had a last name, you didn’t know who anybody was,” remembers Robert Greenfield, who was at Nellcôte to interview Keith Richards for Rolling Stone.
“There were 16 people for lunch, and lunch went on for three-and-a-half hours. It was an unparalleled cast of characters.”

Clipboard02There were the people who were with the band, most notably Keith’s partner Anita Pallenberg and their son Marlon. There were fellow musicians, other artists, groupies, technicians, record executives, journalists, and a drug dealer with his entire family.

I’m sure it raised eyebrows even then, but through a 2021 productivity obsessed-lens, the entire scene is downright unthinkable.
And yet, in particular in today’s age, it is so important to realize that chaos and creation always go together.
Chaos and art, always go together.

What lasts through the ages, is what was forged in the heat of something.

One of the things that has been torturing my brain, it’s like a puzzle that doesn’t seem to have an answer, is:
“Where is the art?”

With so many YouTube creators, instagram photographers, online storytellers and offline crafters and handworkers, more than ever before;
WHERE is the ART?!

Statistically speaking, something must have, should have, emerged by now.

And I m going to keep it to fields I know that if something happened there I would have known,
but here we go:
The yoga teacher who is an artist should have emerged.
The blogger who turns out to be the greatest writer of our age, should be known.
The YouTuber who is a performance artist, should be known.

In other words:
The Rolling Stones of our era, should be known.
Yet they are not….

A few weeks ago, I got into a very deep conversation about this, and ever since then the question of two decades of artists missing in action has been on my mind.
And the only solid explanation I had so far, was that the monetizable-ness of these new media has resulted in :
– creations directly being monetized by the creator (f.e. YouTube videos)
– creations supporting services or products that are sold (f.e. writing to sell your product or service)
– creations being shared to create a relationship with your audience

So the creations are very outcome based, whether for dollars or for likes.
And who can blame them, those savvy creators who no longer live hand over fist, but make their own living and absolutely thrive!

From a humanist point of view it’s all good. There has been an artistic revolution where creators can finally live of what they create, either
– from advertising revenue
– selling their art directly,
– by piggybacking selling a product or service onto their art
– or by establishing their own audience, their own fan base.

From the perspective of personal happiness and success, internet has revolutionized art. But, as was on my mind for the past few weeks, it also seems to have taken something from us….
Both collectively, as well as on an individual level.

Because I believe that we have not seen “the real” art, in the mediums I mentioned. 

It’s comparable to the middle ages:
Painters were seen as craftsmen. What woodworkers and leather workers did with wood and leather, they did with paint.
But during the renaissance, painters became artists:
Individual and unique creators.

Modern media is the medieval guild of the artists of today and tomorrow.
And they make a good living there.
The media provide a safe umbrella, just like the guilds did.

This topic, of the nature of art in relationship to modern media, had been on my mind for a while. And I was done thinking about it.
Until today when I encountered Exile on Main Street again, and noticed the difference in work routine then and now! It was so vastly different to what we are used to.

I think for the ones who are called, it would be a very interesting experiment to test our lives in those artistic rock star circumstances of Villa Nellcôte.
Circumstances under which all our routines are broken, and the only thing that comes out of it, is the thing that was created right there and then.

The thing that was forged in the heat of laughter, music, jokes;
Of excess, drama, tension.
Sex.

Art is not born by creating space for it, in neatly weekly intervals and by planning your days in advance.
It is not born at eight thirty AM on Monday morning.

But because you were without guild, without fans, without support, without structure, in a situation that is as chaotic as it is inspiring.

If you want to make a good living of your art, by all means, structure your life.
You are living in the age where financial freedom for artists is more accessible than ever.

But if you want to discover if there is any art left in you?
If you want to discover if you are an artist or not?

Unleash yourself. Strip away everything that can be stripped away.
Break all pattern, all routines, and say yes to everything and everybody at your doorstep.

And the art will come.

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer
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Ditto for YouTube – but there I really have no idea yet what will happen: 
Suzanne Beenackers YouTube
It’s a surprise!

NEW 2021: Art & Popular Culture: World Between Worlds 
NEW 2021: YouTube Rock Your Business
NEW 2021: My Main Project: Daily Bon Jovi Yoga

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Somewhere there’s a dreamer who will walk a thousand miles

Published on by Suzanne Beenackers3 Comments

the perfect rebuilding playlist: Bon Jovi 2020 New Songs + Original Pre Covid album

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“Somewhere there’s a dreamer who will walk a thousand miles” is a quote from the song Let it Rain, album 2020 by Bon Jovi

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
― Marilyn Monroe

If I think about the roller coaster from last Wednesday until Tuesday morning (yesterday morning)?
I understand perfectly why ever since then I m walking on clouds!

Why sometimes, not only do things fall apart so better things can fall together, as Marilyn Monroe put it.
But the falling apart also makes the falling together extra sweet.

Even when, as is the case for me, things are nowhere near where I want them to be.
Yet especially taking those last punches, that last day of;
Having nowhere to go with your sick cat, because of practicalities.
The politics around a very painful situation with people you respect yet have to leave.
Having an unprecedented migraine and being on your knees vomiting at 4 AM, in the final hours of what were your 6 days of roller coaster riding.

And you then wake up and the clouds have disappeared! 
Nothing beats that feeling.

At first I was still like; “Is this real?”
And I went about my day as if I was tiptoeing! 
But yeah… it’s over. I m cool.
And the cat is okay. I still have to get him medical attention but he’s stable as long as I give him salmon every three hours (and not chicken).

A recurring more pesky aspect that is causing me to bottom out frequently in 2020 and 2021 is my social anxiety when I have real life interactions. If I have an indoor group activity, could be as simple as going to the movies or going to the hairdresser even, I get a crossover between a jetlag, hangover and an anxiety attack.
Afterwards, not during.

Same with my sex life: 
Usually punished with days of feeling extremely unstable.

Both the cats and me have a long way to go until we are back on our paws, and it will be baby steps when possible but more often it will just be sucking it up! 
I suspect the road to recovery and that place where it’s all still crashing down, will be surprisingly close-knit. 

What helped me through for the most part was realizing that it’s not about what I can or cannot do today, but about what I want to be able to do tomorrow.
Travel.
Be in big groups.
Be free to choose my love life the way I want to.

If I can see something is not sustainable, not healthy, or is even contradictory to what I know is my future, I have to solve it, change it, or in a rare case let it go.

And sometimes… sometimes it’s not about nursing cats back to excellent health;
Not about training yourself back into crushing it out there in the real world;
Not about letting go of something or someone you knew was ultimately not a good fit.

But someone you hoped would be there with you, occasionally, frequently, a surprise guest;
You looked forward to continuing what you had or for them to be there with you. 
Letting them go are the ones that hurt the most.

And it can be unexpected. That you didn’t know you cared that much.

You didn’t know until you found yourself on your knees at 4 AM in the morning, throwing up. 

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer
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Ditto for YouTube – but there I really have no idea yet what will happen: 
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NEW 2021: Art & Popular Culture: World Between Worlds 
NEW 2021: YouTube Rock Your Business
NEW 2021: My Main Project: Daily Bon Jovi Yoga

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Does anybody want what’s left of me?

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Jon Bon Jovi in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Photograph: Suki Dhanda for the Observer

The Bon Jovi album “What About Now” (March 2013, Richie Sambora left the band in April) contains a little known song that is a far cry from Bon Jovi’s trademark anthems.

It is called “(Does anybody want) What’s Left Of Me”.
And although I don’t know when he wrote it, I think it would be quite possible it was around the time of a very well-read interview for the Guardian, in 2010.

An interview where Jon Bon Jovi admits his struggles as well as how they’re ultimately built-in to who he is:

“I was that kid with the report card that said: ‘Doesn’t play well with others…
I couldn’t be in a situation where someone else was controlling my destiny.
I’m probably not really a candidate to be in the army. Or working at the factory. Or…
I have to sink or swim on my own merits.”
JBJ in The Guardian

Three years after that interview they’d release the album with the song What’s Left Of Me, and guitarist Richie Sambora walked out.
Which makes me wonder, having the exact age Jon had when he gave that interview:
Is today even the positive milestone I think it is?

Did I really make it through my own personal version of Hell Week, with the biggest mental health crisis in over a decade?
Or is this just the warm-up for my best friend walking out, getting vocal problems, being screwed in a business deal, my record company betraying me, and oh yes, ten years from now I will not be able to do my profession for two years because of a global pandemic?

In the light of what’s to come, do I get to celebrate today?

Or is it best to just admit that the downfall has begun and since career-wise I am NOT at the level of Jon Bon Jovi, I have basically missed my chance at life?
Just asking.

Worst case scenario, let’s assume my feeling I hacked this is short-lived, and will round off to zero some day very soon, then I believe there is all the more reason to celebrate this today.

So?
What happened?
Or maybe not what happened, but why do I feel like this could work?

That the purpose of Hell Week was not to break me, but to build me up?

Ever since I started writing under an alter-ego in 2006, I have been aware that there is a very large part of me, that I do not express nor am (as in be) in daily life.

That “she”, the alter-ego, the pure artist to whom I have frequently referred to as “the real me”, is too much for daily life. And that honestly, I don’t want it to be out there either.
I m very much okay being more neutral under my real name.
It allows me to not bring my “real” art into daily life, and it gives me a rest from that very intense part of myself.

And besides, who is to say what is real art. Maybe my best work is the more neutral one. 
But nevertheless, the situation has been unclear for years even to myself, and every now and then I need to recalibrate.

Hell Week was a perfect time for that.
And this is what came up:

All my work under my real name is fun, lighthearted, great way to make friends.
It’s about Bon Jovi!
It’s about little bear Puux! (see Twitter)
It’s about playing around on my art blog World Between Worlds.
It’s the things I do when no one is watching nor paying me, but also:
The things that do not hurt. Not myself, nor others!!

This blog and all the other things I do under my real name, stays on the surface. It doesn’t cut to the bone.
It’s the things that you’re okay with if your installation mechanic would find, if they Google you. As if they would have time for such nonsense but you catch my drift.

And then everything else, including Hell Week, goes under the alter-ego.

And that’s when I saw two things!
1. That who I am under this identity (real name) and how I write on this blog, was already very much described by me in a piece called
The Baby Koala Relationship
I already knew I was a Baby Koala when I described my part in a lasting romantic relationship. But I just didn’t know (at all!) it was more than a fairy tale story and was actually my daily functioning mode, friendship mode, daughter mode, caretaker of cats mode.
At the time of writing the piece The Baby Koala Relationship I had no idea I was already a baby koala the majority of the time.

And I also saw:
2. that Hell Week had been the result of me not knowing (1) that I was a baby koala.
I had made a huge mistake in assessing what I could do, or what I was up for. Which in hindsight had resulted in a very traumatized baby koala.

I had really made a mistake the equivalent of taking a four year old to the movie Hellraiser. I was an absolute mess.

And then my alterego stepped in, and she freed the baby koala and shut everybody out of our lives who had been within a ten mile radius of this insanely irresponsible choice being made.

What that Hell Week taught me is that I should do a full and complete audit of my life, the places and people where I am a baby koala, and where I am my alterego;
And all other places that require something in between?
Out!
Gone!
Entirely irresponsible!

You ll either get an upset (“upset” is already my mental health understatement of 2021) baby koala, or you’ll trigger the alter-ego to come out in daylight, and settle things her way.

Now that I can see why it all went wrong, I regret the mistake because of the damage it caused to myself and others.

But it feels good to understand why it happened because that means it’s preventable in the future. All I need to do, is make it clear that I m a baby koala.
(If you re reading this: hi! I am a baby koala! Don’t forget!)

But it may be too late.

That the chances that three years from now, I ll write an album (book) everybody will forget, with a song few will remember, without the loved ones around me that I lost between 2006 and June 11 2021;
Those chances might be a lot more realistic than all this panning out.

I came across a quote:

“Religion is for people who’re afraid of going to hell.
Spirituality is for those who’ve already been there.”
― Vine Deloria Jr.

Jon was there.
I was there.
And the baby koala was there too.

Let’s see how we’re doing three years from now.
What’s left of me.

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer
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Lay Your Hands On Me | Live From London

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video: at 3:00 Jonny welcomes you into his church

I saw the word in two places I did not expect it.
One was referring to author Gabby Bernstein and the second was on the cover of the famous bestselling book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.
The word was “spiritual”.

Gabby Bernstein was referred to as a spiritual coach, and the cover of the book promised:
“A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity”

“Spiritual?” I wondered, as if it was an entirely new perspective. 
And in a way it was!
I was a yoga teacher for over a decade and a half, but I think this had made me compartmentalize spirituality a bit.

Spirituality was reserved for shops where you could buy a deck of angel cards, or a postcard with a bracelet  in the color of a chakra attached to it. 
Spirituality was related to Christianity too. And to yoga, because of Hinduism.

But to tie spirituality to life coach Gabby Bernstein or to a book on creativity was an entirely new concept to me.

And these two mentions of the word happened within the same day, and they caused an avalanche of thoughts.
Because pretty recently I had already realized other accounts where my own work had proven to be spiritual.

My main motivation, the thing that shakes me awake and that I can’t NOT look into;
Is I always look for meaning. 
I’m a storyteller, but not a real storyteller because I never know the ending. Let alone the moral of the story. Or what it’s supposed to prove or illustrate.
I write a story in search of meaning.

I have an uncontrollable urge to understand what happened and why.
And how it can be healed, or sweetened, if it’s a bad thing. How can a more compassionate viewpoint lead to a better understanding and less pain?

Or, alternatively, if something was really good, and want to know why it was so good and filled with love and light.
And then highlight and amplify those aspects. Perhaps record them in a way so they will be better remembered, or more people will see their beauty.

I look for meaning, and writing is my process of uncovering it.

Just this morning I tried to first make notes for this story, so that I would have breakfast first.
Without the computer on.

But although to the outside world, it must have looked like a picturesque image of a woman trying to have breakfast when her cat was standing on her lap and constantly wanted to butt heads with her, or climb into her neck, or otherwise insist on melting together with his human, in a way that made having breakfast at the same time almost impossible.

In reality it was a woman who had gotten out of bed, read a page in her “prayer book” (more about that in a minute) and KNEW she had a full and completely finished story in her that would unfold the moment she’d start writing.
But instead she tried to stay offline for her breakfast and note down the different elements and structure her story first. 
So that she would get to work knowing, what she would write!
Like a real writer.

And instead she felt the story falling apart.
As if it was picked on by hungry scavengers, the story started to disintegrate.

Sure!
I could now see what the different parts were, as they were randomly flying around over breakfast! 
Story elements that were no longer tied to the entity, to the story as a whole.

I would have to manually sow them back together to what I presumed the story had looked like.

So in my grownup attempt to hold and pause the story for the duration of one breakfast, and take the time to examine the story first, it was being ripped to shreds instead.
What an agonizing breakfast.
What a horrible way to start the day.

Back to what I call my prayer book.

The book is called “Until Today” by Iyanla Vanzant, and it has 365 one-page thoughts to start the day with, organized per date. So today I read the one for May 27.
It said, among other things:
“Intellectual spirituality will not save you.”
And:
“Practice grounding your spiritual philosophy in your heart.”

And suddenly I understood everything…..

WHY it feels so good, to be here on this blog always starting with “something Bon Jovi”.
* insert love heart shower *

WHY we feel so good when we’re at a Bon Jovi concert and it’s time for Lay Your Hands On Me.
And Jon Bon Jovi says:
“Welcome to Jonny’s church of rock n roll.”
And we get speeches about souls being saved, and a special welcome to the sinners!

WHY indeed intellect will not save us. Nor will angel cards I reckon.
Why structuring my story was pointless.

The one who knows what’s in their heart is already done for the day.
Whether it is Jon Bon Jovi, Lay Your Hands On Me, or a blogpost that is just waiting to be written.

There really is only one thing, and one thing only that is gonna save you.
Love.

Follow your heart, my friend. 
Or follow Jon Bon Jovi.
Gabby Bernstein.
Or follow the path of the Artist’s Way.

They re all the same.

“Welcome to Jonny’s church to rock n roll where all you gotta do is believe.
You gotta raise your voice so they hear you.”

Raise your voice.
So they hear you.

.

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer
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LIVE FROM LONDON 

Just a few days ago, I had stopped writing for the Live From London series…
No kidding! And then what happened, right?
Story came out by itself.
Of course it did 🙂

Lay Your Hands On Me 
is the fourth chapter to
“Live from London
Take the stage, rock your life and rule the world”
Click on “Live from London” to read all chapters.

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(what the Lord wants I guess!)
Suzanne Beenackers YouTube
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NEW 2021: Art & Popular Culture: World Between Worlds 
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video: fan made compilation of Bon Jovi’s faith-inspired songs and live performances.
“Welcome to Jonny’s Church of rock n roll.” is a classic line in live shows.

Don’t Leave The Sex Out

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You get the message basically spoon-fed at the correct formative age and then you still manage to forget

I think I should have started with:
“I made a mistake.”
Followed by:
“A huge one.”
“Perhaps unforgivable.”
“Probably two, depending on how you count.”
But they’re related so maybe I can get away with calling it one.

Every Sunday, and twice a week if he has the time, the Bon Jovi remaster demi-God hAnD90 treats us to a new remastered concert recording.
https://www.youtube.com/user/hAnD90

And every Sunday, but twice a week if it’s been a holiday or there was otherwise a day off which was immediately invested in creating for his channel, I get confronted with how little I have done for this Bon Jovi blog, and for my Bon Jovi Concert Series on YouTube where I review the 1995-1996 concerts. That has turned out more of a quarterly activity.

I m confronted with all the plans I had for this blog and my YouTube channel.
And how I failed.
And failed.
And then I failed again even though I had been sure this time I would make it “work”.

My last blog post here was how I would watch half an hour of the Bon Jovi concert every day and make little 5 minute reviews (videos), covering only half an hour of material instead of 2,5 hours per show. 
I never did that.
Ever.
I m sure it was a good idea in theory, but I m just not doing it. Watching half an hour of Bon Jovi concert, making notes, and then setting myself and my couch up to make a video;
Bleh.

It feels like penicillin.
Or a to-do.
Or like a desperate attempt to make a life that is not fun, fun.

To me watching that half hour of Bon Jovi, would feel like punishment. Like a disconnect from other people. It would be just as lonely and awful as publishing my books, which is another thing I have made some important decisions around, but that s a story for another day.
But the truth is:
I don’t want to spend my free time studying Bon Jovi, making reviews. And I also don’t want to spend it studying the video Live From London and write blog posts from that. I don’t want to spend them listening to the Box Set and then write about those songs.

My “1995 Bon Jovi Concerts series” on YouTube, the Live From London series here on this blog, the The Box Set series here on this blog too;
They were me thinking I was anything like hAnD90

But I have nothing to offer you in the die-hard Bon Jovi fan, knows-their-shit, works-their-butt-off, skilled-as-fuck, area.
Nothing.
I stand here naked before you.

In one of the hAnD90 chats, a man with whom I was flirting, told me to listen to a certain song. I noted it down, and made the resolution to go listen to it. Yet two weeks after, at the next premiere chat (hAnD90 had a week off), the man appeared on our chat,
and I said:
“Hi (X)! Still haven’t listened to Rotterdam 1989 I ll Be There For You.”
“You had two weeks!” he typed.
“I know!” I yelled.
Probably a bit overexcited because I had already thought of how to turn this into something good.
“I haven’t done my homework. I think I deserve a spanking!”
“It was Livin’ In Sin,” he said. “You deserve two spankings.”

Now THAT, is what I gladly show up for.
THAT, is what I do with my free time.
And you see how smooth that went, right? 
I mean, it takes two to tango, but I had my reply in place. I had anticipated this. In the two weeks where I was dramatically failing at an assignment as simple as to listen to ONE song (I had even failed at remembering the title correctly), I already thought:
“Well, at least I ll turn it into something sexy, if I really haven’t listened to it by Sunday.”

And I did.

But even if I had listened, and this is just to hammer my point home that I m not cut out for the work I thought I was doing here, even then there would be such a high chance I would not pick up on what it was X wanted me to hear.
Is there something like musical dyslexia? 
Because then I definitely have it.
It would explain why nothing musical ever “sticks”. 

I’ve heard Wembley 2nd night 1995 about 50 times now, and yet I remember nothing.
I ve started over many times; throwing out my printed setlists with all the notes, thinking that this time I m going to get it right. Push through. Start listening in a disciplined fashion, a little every day, and get my head around it. And then make the video review of the concert.

I ve gone through that process multiple times, and I m still on Wembley second night 1995, knowing I have to start all over again, again, because the notes don’t mean anything to me anymore.

Like I said:
I stand here naked.
There is absolutely nothing of musical interest I can offer you, and I am done wasting my hours studying something that I am obviously not cut out to understand.

I have no idea what I m going to do with the YouTube channel………

Okay.
I m done.
That was it, that was the (naked) bottom, dark side of the coin, that – fortunately for me – has another side as well.

And this is my second mistake, but it was really nothing more than a logical consequence of the first part of the mistake, where I apparently thought I was hAnD90 and had something coherent to say about music.

The other side of the coin, the thing I AM good at, is to immediately see emotion, love, freedom, God.
And sex.

And what I do on a daily basis, is to look for those things.
When I write, when I chat, when I do my Daily Bon Jovi Yoga (which is also still not daily yet, because I haven’t given that total free rein), when I meet people; Emotion, love, freedom, God, STORY (forgot that one!), and SEX.
That’s what I look for.

I m not going to say I  specialize at sex, because that is compartmentalized thinking as well. Thinking there are specialists for sex, is part of the problem. And besides I don’t have a business anymore, I m not selling anything, so I don’t have to pretend I know anything about anything.
But I have left sex out, way more than I should have.

Unless I could tie it to Bon Jovi, for example in my favorite post on this blog 5 Unexpectedly Sexual Bon Jovi Songs, I felt unworthy of sharing it here.
This was a proper blog, and I was not allowed to pollute it with whatever was on my mind.

But by tying this blog to the topic of Bon Jovi, I was basically making myself audition for my own blog. If I wasn’t writing about Bon Jovi, then it/ I wasn’t good enough to be here.

This blog exists almost two years now.
And over that time I have become more constrictive, less spontaneous.
No wonder, really, that I stopped writing. 
And that every Sunday when hAnD90 had a new premiere, I wallowed in shame about my unproductiveness for this work. I always felt that sting, of not being good enough for the work I was called to do!

Except: You re ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE WORK YOU RE CALLED TO DO!
But you can’t go around pretending it’s something fancy and proper, if the work you’re called to do is messy, sexy, rich in love, God, mystery, more sex.
And then you soak it into Bon Jovi to amalgamate it all together, in all its random messiness.
And you pull it out, like an artist pulls out their creation from the steaming hot pot filled with boiling metal.
And you present it to the world.

I know that’s not proper.
Not the pinnacle of productivity, or usefulness. It’s not of service, doesn’t cure Covid, makes matters worse, and may annoy the shit out of plenty of people who thought I was going to play nice, and here I am wearing horns AND wings.

When a 100 years from now, my work is dug up it will probably end up on the trash pile.

But damn, is it hot!

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer
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Bite-size nuggets! 1995 Bon Jovi Concert Series Returns (YouTube)

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09f0c0f1b0e75072f466ca1c6c64d944I see it is two weeks ago that I broke the news that I saw no way to pick up making reviews about Bon Jovi concerts, on YouTube.

That it took me hours hours and more hours to interpret every frame, the body language, the story behind it;
To decipher every word in particular from the in-between songs speeches or the moments I swore we were getting alternative lyrics;
Only to then have to simplify and dumb down my findings to a spoken word review that was ideally under 10 minutes.

90% or more of what I had to say about the concert got lost or never made it to the video.

I once wrote a blog post after making the video;
A blog post where I shared all the extra information.
But this did not make the process, the series, more manageable. In fact it may have been the first moment I realized it was hopeless and that it was never going to be done.

Like the queen in Rumpelstiltskin having to sort out a room filled with straw, reviewing the 1995/1996 tour from Bon Jovi was an impossible assignment that would never be complete.
And I was lucky if no one took my firstborn in retaliation for not completing it!
I saw no way but to quit.

But maybe the fact that I never made a goodbye video for the channel, and the fact that I kept posting/ adding the link to the YouTube channel on all my blogs, revealed I was not done with the series…..
That I didn’t know HOW. But that I still wanted it!

Maybe reviewing Bon  Jovi concerts from 1995-1996 was never meant to be one of those projects that end.
What if it was allowed to go on for ever?

What if I started all over again with that second night in Wembley, a video for which I had already invested 5 hours or more when I quit, yet I had had nothing to show for regardless of how many times I printed the set list, made notes which speeches to listen into again and so on;
What if I started that second night in Wembley all over again;
But made reviews about only parts of the video?

For example a five minute review of the first 30 minutes?
And a few days after the next 5 minute video about the next 30 minutes?

What if the Bon Jovi concert series 1995-1996 was not a “project”;
But a practice?
Meaning the aim was to practice listening, watching, reviewing, making a video.
And the aim was not, to one day complete it.

So here we are.
Two weeks after I swore I would never lay one finger, never review one more 1995 Bon Jovi concert ever again, because the frustration over my own inadequacy to create momentum was eating me alive!
And it’s six weeks after the first night in Wembley review.

I’m starting again.

Studying Bon Jovi videos, or audio only, starting back at second night Wembley *
And making the first bite-size nugget video, as soon as I have like an A4 of notes or something.

Subscribe here for the Bon Jovi 1995 Concert Series:
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Subscribe to the channel, and we’ll be seeing each other very often.
And probably until the end of time!

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer

* The recording of the concert second night at Wembley stadium is at the bottom of this post

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Livin’ On A Prayer | Live From London Series

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bon_jovi-livin_on_a_prayer_s_2
Dutch single cover from Livin’ On A Prayer. Which I received as a gift on my birthday in 2019

On the evening before Easter, I ask of thee;
Do you think it was a coincidence “Livin’ On A Prayer” was Bon Jovi’s finite-no-going-back-now breakthrough?
Could it, for example, also have been called “Livin’ On Five Bucks” or “Livin’ On Love”?
Or was there a reason it was the song with the word prayer in the title that called on the Lord and touched our hearts?

That neither God, nor you and me, would have felt called if Tommy and Gina had been “Livin’ Hand To Mouth”.
Is it possible that in that song a prayer was said?
And because of that song a prayer was answered.

Tommy and Gina and Bon Jovi were given all their hearts desired, not because they only had their prayers to live on.
But because that’s the only thing that’s gonna work.

I know in that paragraph several more question marks could have been and probably should have been used. But they seemed obsolete. There was no reason to keep putting things in questions, because you get the gist;
Of course it’s not a coincidence.

All those who call on a higher power, consistently, will have their prayers answered. Whether you’re Tommy and Gina wishing to get Tommy’s job on the docks back and a nice pay raise for Gina, or Jon Bon Jovi wishing for world fame.
The procedure of how prayer works, is explained in several places in the bible. But since this blog is about Bon Jovi, I will happily choose for John!
(Jon’s original name is John, with an h)

John 16:24
Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.

Ask and you shall receive.
It is as simple as it seems, but in many cases the relationship with God was an aspect of religion. And religion in turn, was an aspect of things like social life, community, parenting. Education. Power structures where religion kept a hierarchy intact.
And in questioning the status quo, religion was thrown out by many. As was their relationship with God.
And asking and praying, was lost.

By the time Bon Jovi was pounding the pavement, as a photo book I own eloquently worded their hard fought rise to fame, by that time hardly anyone grew up religiously.
In the Netherlands we got a good social security system, which meant that the task the church does in many countries, which is taking care of people who need help, was pretty much covered by government. So perhaps our secularization has been unintentionally thorough.
But in most Western countries, the church lost much of its power and less people called themselves religious.

In the mid-eighties, deregulation of the financial world brought forth a new generation of wealth, but at the same time unemployment for older industries such as steel, was on the rise.
In The Netherlands, those who are the age of Jon Bon Jovi meaning born between 1955-1965, have had an incredibly tough time trying to get a job, whether straight from school but also if you went to college.
There wasn’t any work.

And it was in that time, when there were no more churches to turn to for meaning and the world was weighed down by unemployment, that Bon Jovi brought the new gospel:
Livin’ On A Prayer.

It is their trademark song and every now and then it hits the charts again, inspired by a viral video of people singing along in the park; Or when a country is going through tragedy.
The message of Livin’ On A Prayer, is timeless.

Just that every 2000 years or so, we get a new John to bring the message.

.
~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer

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Livin’ On A Prayer
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Let’s All Dress Up Like We Re Jon Bon Jovi. And Maybe Add Lipstick

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I felt something important had to be decided today! But I was not sure what it was…
Maybe stay offline, fulfill my destiny, purpose, knowing that my ultimate art will be living offline?
I call it “analogue heritage”.

My ultimate art will be to be offline.*
But just like my ultimate “look” will be wearing red lipstick day in day out;
I judged it wasn’t the time.

Red lipstick is very high maintenance; It smudges easily and after a meal you need to reapply.
Every time you ve worn a mouth mask, your carefully applied red lipstick comes out looking like it’s 3 A.M. and you had too much fun.

For the offline bit, my inspiration to create an analogue art project of myself
– in combination with carefully crafted online presence of one hour a day! –
I judged our current state of being Covid grounded and confined, ball and chained to our homes, the absolute worst time to go full in on that.*

If there ever was a time for online social interactions, online inspiration, and yes also for online wasting time with things that ultimately are the digital junk food and empty calories of our lives;
Then now was the time to go all in and binge on being online.

Now was definitely not the time to economize on being online.*
As tempting as it was to fall for the idea of becoming this peaceful hermit in a time when everybody has their mood tied to their news- or Twitter feed.
Which is especially true for the Netherlands.

Did you know no one gets vaccinated here?
It’s as ill-organized as our defenses in second world war.

So I think in 5 years the allied forces will come to save us, because it sure as hell doesn’t look like anything is under control here.
Which is actually quite surprising because in 2008/9, The Netherlands were the first to have everyone vaccinated for swine flu because they had it done by the army. 

When late 2020 journalists starting making inquiries why the army wasn’t going to be involved in operation vaccination, it turned out that they initially had been; but then for unknown reasons had been sidelined.
I think now they’re officially at the table again, but it seems almost more symbolic.
Military is not running the show. 

So The Netherlands have lost the vaccination race.
But since vaccination is probably not going to be the ultimate answer anyway, this is slowly but steadily losing its relevancy.
Five reasons why COVID herd immunity is probably impossible { Nature, March 18 2021 }

The last paragraph says:

It’s time for more realistic expectations. The vaccine is “an absolutely astonishing development”,
but it’s unlikely to completely halt the spread, so we need to think of how we can live with the virus.

And a very meaty article, that I admit I did not read entirely. But it looks like the real deal:
The coronavirus is here to stay — here’s what that means { Nature, February 2021 }

And Dutch article:
Pleidooi: beter niet iedereen vaccineren, het coronavirus verdwijnt namelijk toch niet { De Gelderlander, 26 maart 2021 } 
Translation header: It’s better to not vaccinate everybody because the virus will not disappear.

The Dutch article states that a high percentage of the population being vaccinated, helps vaccine resistant Covid to spread.

So now YOU have two choices;
1. Either you believe there will be a right way and a wrong way a government can go about this.
In the sense that one approach is based on the correct information, and implemented the correct way.
And the other is based on the wrong information or executed wrongly.

Or, you make 2021 the year you do what I do, which is try an entirely new approach.
It is:

2. The only correct strategy is the one the majority of people believes in.

The first time I formulated this strategy was in the time of the banking crisis.
In 2008, the people who had known financial structures had been collapsing, had been expecting not just the collapse of the systems but also social unrest, riots, probably a civil war.
They were convinced the collapse of the financial system would have disastrous consequences.

In the years that followed, many people thought it was important not just for the systems to be more sturdy, (they are still nowhere near as tightly regulated as between the great depression early 20th century and Reagan/Thatcher era of deregulation);
But they also found it important that normal, previously not-informed people like you and me, had a better sense of the danger of this financial trapeze.
This illusion, the non-realness of money and the systems managing it.

Wrong.

It was BECAUSE the public didn’t know, didn’t care, and simply TRUSTED the financial systems to keep working;
That they kept on working.

The most dangerous thing you can do is convince people of death, decay, poverty and pending civil war.

We have just had elections in the Netherlands and a very optimistic party that wants to leave as much as possible to the market, has won.
Even though their reign has marginalized entire groups, and public housing is in its biggest crisis ever. Homelessness and people living with their parents because there are no houses, is soaring.
Yet everybody votes for the party who crashed all our social services, including our entire health-care system and bankrupting tens of thousands of families through a corrupt allowance system.
And the number of government-induced bankruptcies is still going up, because of poorly executed Covid relief allowances that now have to be paid back.

With so many financial consequences, why would so many Dutch people still vote for this party?

That is because they refuse to buy into the truth, that it is hopeless.
And although I did not vote for that party;
I see the power of simply holding on to your belief that you will make it.
You believe in the American Dream, the Dutch dream in this case.

Both the voters for this liberal party in the Netherlands, as well as the uninformed public in 2008 who did not understand the apocalyptic proportions of their banking crisis, have contributed or are contributing to the catastrophe not taking place or not taking hold.

As long as there is no apocalyptic banking crisis in the minds of the majority?
There is no apocalyptic banking crisis.

As long as there is no worst-since-second-world-war housing crisis in the minds of the majority?
There is no worst since second world war housing crisis.

And as long as there is a Covid crisis in the minds of the majority?
There is a Covid crisis.

Whether you believe in conspiracy theories, or science. Whether you re in favor of vaccination or not.
The moment you give the virus itself your attention, you are contributing to the crisis.

Does this mean you should not go along with the measures?
No.
That is your social structure.
We’re all part of a larger social structure, and it is our responsibility to be aware of the minds and moods of the people around us.

If people around you are afraid to catch the virus, or want you to vaccinate, or they don’t feel safe;
That IS your job to know, and act on/ make a decision on how you can or are willing to help.

It is your job to read, and adjust and be an agile responder to your social surroundings.
But it is NOT your job to distillate “the” truth.

Truth is what the majority believes.

If the majority believes vaccines play an important part in “going back to normal”, and vaccines are provided?
Things will go back to normal.
That’s the only thing that matters; What does the majority want? Then affirm that as true (as a leader) and act accordingly.

Fear of the Covid virus is for the majority of people something that is manageable by acknowledging it, and then the accepted or suggested measures are taken on as being helpful.
It’s like when a mother sees to a hurt knee (acknowledgement), applies a sticking plaster (measure), and then a little kiss (magic, love).
That’s how fear should be managed.

How it should not be managed is starting a discussion if crying or coming in to have the knee attended to is even nessecary; If a sticking plaster is technically the ideal tool/ measure; And leave out the kiss because there is no science backing it up.

For most people, for the majority, their fear (of death, really) can be managed by knowing that they are loved and looked after.
And that is really not just the responsibility from the government, but from all of us.

But right now, we’re all yelling and screaming and disagreeing in various degrees about;
if it is okay to even come in with the hurt knee, if the knee is technically hurt, if the plaster is good, and no one is giving that kiss (love) to the people who are scared. Even though that is probably the most important part.

So what can we do as individuals?
If you’re scared tend to yourself, like a mother to her child.
And I think if you look forward to getting vaccinated, take that shot.
But if it only makes your more anxious, discuss your options until you find something that feels good and manageable for you.

And if, like me, you’re not scared of the virus at all (nor of getting vaccinated), your job is to stay emphatic to all those people who are emotionally affected by Covid or who have strong feelings about vaccines.
And their reasons to be emotionally involved can vary, for example because their own health is not optimal, because of what they believe to be true, because they re scared for their loved ones, or because of their work which maybe ended, is nearly impossible or has become dangerous because of Covid.
Your job is to stay open to their stories.

But as far as ourselves? Our minds, our options, our responsibilities even to not make the problem bigger by drawing attention to it, and magnifying it?
My suggestion is that you live your life, in full trust that it will end soon. That it will be solved.

So do the things now that you do not want to be bothered with anymore, once the Covid crisis is over.
Clear out your house, do your projects that require screen time, or being indoors.
Consolidate your life, so that you are in the starting blocks to fly out when Covid is over.

And the other part is:
Behave in the way you would when there is no Covid.
Don’t postpone Life.

This was sparked when I saw Jon Bon Jovi’s photos in GQ magazine.
He looked so sharp.
After months of home made live streams and hairdressers not being available, months of seeing him in T-shirt, this professional photo shoot with him in suit, in casual chic, and with the grey hair perfectly styled, were a breath of fresh air.
A spark of inspiration.

So dress up, like Jon Bon Jovi.
Wear your best clothes, and take good care of yourself.
Upgrade the f out of life!

And forget the practicalities.

In my case:
Wear red lipstick.

Trusting that going out until 3 A.M. and having too much fun, will one day follow.

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer

* BEING OFFLINE IS MY ART
I seem to have this thing, that whenever I come to the conclusion that something is a terrible idea? I have to do it! So I DID start being offline despite Covid ruling out real life contact.
Just like I started wearing red lipstick despite the face masks.
My project “Being offline is my art” will be posted on daily on Rock Star Writer on Facebook and my personal Twitter account.
Starting Saturday night March 27.

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My 1995 Bon Jovi Concert Series Quits (YouTube)

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Purpose is what you can do with your eyes closed. (not half-baked after 10 hours of preparation)

It was the moment when Jon covers Richie’s eyes, while he is in the middle of a guitar solo, that I realized that I was never going to get this right.
“This” being creating Bon Jovi concert reviews.

It had once seemed like a super cool idea.
Before I realized every video takes me ten hours of preparation time, plus the additional three of shooting and typing the box, solving upcoming problems, getting the documentation right.
Before my projects started multiplying, my YouTube channels doubled, and so did my blogs.
The work under my pen name still shrieking at top of its lungs when I m finally getting around to publishing that.
My old YouTube videos, among which my entire yoga legacy, untouched for weeks again.

When Covid ends I never want to spend another minute behind my computer.
Fair; I am a writer.
Fair; I can’t stop that.
Fair; I will write to the day I die.
I know all that.

But other than that?
There are days I wish for a life when I only have a notebook and a pen.
A phone for the occasional Facebook update which I ll type STRAIGHT into the box and never blog.
A time when I never touch a computer again.

There are days I swear that after this pandemic, I m going offline to never return.

I have no idea how that will pan out, and what will come true. But the sense of urgency is overwhelming!
An overwhelming urgency to curate, save, publish, and store, anything that I do not want to lose.
Because when Covid’s over?
I m out!

And the concert reviews did not make it to the short-list of things I m going to keep on.
They were driving me insane.
Not only were they a burden time-wise, keeping me from my Noah’s Arc work of saving what should not get lost;.
It was also an inverted Richie Experience.

Where Richie Sambora can still play guitar even when Jon covers his eyes, I could not get “it” right even after I had put in ten hours.

My reviews stayed mediocre at best, even if I had watched the concert registration with my eyes wide open.

And no one to playfully close them for me.

Maybe that was the problem with this series, and this whole entire rotten Covid year;
At some point, loneliness just got the better of me.


~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer

final video at bottom of this post.
The muses have been consulted!
So new topics/ videos ARE expected at Suzanne Beenackers YouTube

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final concert review & goodbye for now video:

Time Blocking With The Bon Jovi Bullet Collection

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Little bear Puux arranges our bullet cd collection

This blogpost was one where I thought:
“I can’t do this.”
Too flat, weird, off-topic. And besides, I m sure people know how to date Bon Jovi albums!
They may not all have stickers on the cases with the release date, but I m sure they’ll manage.

But you see, here is the thing;
Maybe you haven’t thought about it.
About how your Bon Jovi collection, whether a physical one like mine or playlists on your music account, is such a great and inspiring way to plan your time.

One cd blocks the time you spend on the activity.
The number of albums dictates the number of times you do it.
And the historic order gives it a rhythm and overall structure.

For example: 
Every month you do fifteen sessions of an activity, listening to every record once.

The activity can be either something fun, like one yoga session per album, which is how I use them.
Or something you value but don’t get around to.
Like work on a project for a minimum duration of one Bon Jovi cd.
Which is how I perhaps should be using them! 😅

But I am on God’s planning, since a couple of weeks.
No more planning for me.
For projects without an external deadline I found out the hard way (three years of having a surplus of notebooks yet time slipping through my fingers!) that the more I plan the less I get done.
And that my biggest achievements were done with zero planning.

They were done, however, at the expense of cleaning my house, exercise, seeing daylight, cooking proper meals, showers, and so on.
But if there had been a planning?
These big achievements would never have gotten done at all.

Bullet collection: band albums only, no best ofs, solo albums, rareties and so on.

So I only use planning for things I sometimes don’t allow myself to do or have. Like daylight, and yoga, and cleaning my house and having proper meals.
Planning is not to make myself be productive, but to make myself a good life.
And then God is in charge of productivity, because who else would you put in charge of that, right?
I heard a guru say that since we would question if something came from God or not, the next best thing to faith, was commitment.
😝
Which I now don’t have to have because I have chosen faith that the right thing will come through!

Such as the urge to write this blogpost, where I was like:
“Are you sure this is the topic?” when the idea came through.
But I quickly restored myself, because I knew the alternative to doing as I was nudged from inside, or above, was taking responsibility for my own work.
And before you know it you have a content calendar, and every Monday is when you write rambly posts, and on Tuesdays we do the Box Set, on Wednesday we make a YouTube video and so on!
The horror of a planned project!
No…. then I d rather just write what comes through.

Today that is: How to use your Bon Jovi cd’s as cool planning tools.

So back to that!
HOW to use your Bon Jovi collection as a time-blocking tool for your projects or your fun things?

If you like the idea of a fixed sequence of the albums then you can choose between earliest album first, most recent album last.
Or you do time machine!

Time machine is part of a Bon Jovi show, when they play Runaway.
Runaway was a song Jon Bon Jovi recorded and he plugged it with a local radio station.
Other radio stations picked it up from there, the band was formed and Bon Jovi was born.

Time machine is the live on stage intro to that song, Runaway.
Jon counts down from the year it is (they have done this on the 2019 tour as well) all the way to 1982.
Then he tells the story of his pitch at the radio station and how he promised the dj that he was a rock n roll star.

If you listen or use the albums in time machine fashion, you start with the most recent one, and then go back in time.

Since the latest album 2020, there are 15 studio albums.
A very tempting way I think, to start using them, is dividing them over the days of the week.

Then you listen to the entire collection every week, and the week gets this lovely predictable rhythm to it.

I put them all in time machine order, and then here is your schedule;

Monday
2020 Bon Jovi – 2020  48:08
2016 This House Is Not For Sale (International Deluxe Version) 70:28
2015 Burning Bridges  40:22

Just pick one;
2020 when you re in a mood for current events.
This House Is Not For Sale, when you need to be reminded you’re not backing down and are going to crush it this week
And Burning Bridges for highest density of underappreciated brilliant songs.
The album was a contractual obligation and was barely promoted by the band.

Tuesday
2012 What About Now 51:36
2008 The Circle 52:49
Anthems and ballads to get you through your Tuesday on a high.

Wednesday
2007 Lost Highway 49:57
2005 Have A Nice Day 49:40
Country inspired Lost Highway? Or more classical Bon Jovi?
Two vastly different albums to pick from every Wednesday. 

Thursday
2002 Bounce 49:10
2000 Crush 57:52

Fans of heavy guitars will throw Bounce on repeat.
And those longing for that nostalgic: “They’re back! They made it!” feel when Bon Jovi returned with It’s My Life, are going to go for Crush.

Friday
1995 These Days  63:55
1992 Keep The Faith  66:10

Two absolute killer albums!
I don’t care how busy you are Friday, but your activity will get done!

Saturday
1988 New Jersey 56:32
1986 Slippery When Wet 43:49

Is this is a musical Do Not Disturb sign or what?
Nothing will stop you from listening to these.

Sunday 
1985 7800° Fahrenheit 47:10
1984 Bon Jovi – Bon Jovi 38:33

A sweet encore to your week with the earliest work.
With the time machine song “Runaway”.

“Hey mister!
Do me a favor and play this song.
And in 3 minutes 50 seconds, you’re gonna see;
A rock n roll star.”

 

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer

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compilation; the time machine intro to Runaway (2006) counting all the way down to 1982, and an early performance of Runaway (1984)