Only Lonely | the album 7800° Fahrenheit

Scheveningen, 2010

In the category Least Sexy Compelling Bon Jovi Titles I think “Only Lonely” from their album 7800° Fahrenheit (1985) must rank pretty high.
Or, as Jon Bon Jovi introduced the song playing Scheveningen, The Netherlands (The Circle tour):
“This is one of the songs we never never never do.”

Depressing titles are not clickbait or as we said in 1985:
It just doesn’t sell.
And Fahrenheit was not their big breakthrough.
That would come with their next album Slippery When Wet.

“I always overlook the second album. Always have, always will.
We had no time to make it and we didn’t know who we were… “

Jon Bon Jovi on 7800° Fahrenheit

Yet it is a fan favorite and I ve seen one fan posting a photo, just last year.
He was over the moon for having his copy of Fahrenheit signed by Jon Bon Jovi.

If I would compare it to Star Wars (which I am) 7800° Fahrenheit was like The Last Jedi:
Some consider it the weakest of the Star Wars movies.
For others it’s a fan favorite who would not trade it for the world.
That, was 7800° Fahrenheit.

There are three songs on Fahrenheit with a similar theme:
Only Lonely
The Hardest Part is the Night
Silent Night
All about loneliness, survival of a breakup or otherwise emotionally trying to stay afloat. 
Fahrenheit is a far cry from the optimistic songs that would become one of Bon Jovi’s most recognizable trademarks. 

And yet it was this album in particular, that has sprung to mind multiple times, over the past few months. Because no other Bon Jovi album, describes the void of my last 18 months, as this Bon Jovi album that history forgot.

I usually start counting summer 2018, and then it’s 18 months.
But “it” had set in late 2017, without a doubt. Making it two years of depression, burnout or as I have come to understand it:
An existential crisis.

I had lost everything that defined me or lost my connection to the aspects and people in my life that remained the same.
There were very few friendships that survived and two of my best friends migrated.
One in 2017 and one in 2019. I “only” have one friend left nearby. S
he’s so much like me that we are practically the same person:
Driven, passionate and full of purpose.
We don’t have casual encounters or weekly Netflix dates. If we meet there is this powerful chemistry.
It would be extremely unwise to see each other often, unless the other option is a lengthy pilgrimage to a spiritual guru who will transform your life.
Then we could just plan an extra date and let our inner worlds collide and be home before midnight, fully changed.

But the two friends with whom I had dates that were so lighthearted, watched silly series or could eat french fries meanwhile discussing what the correct amount of mayonnaise is (I was a strong advocate for the 1:1 ratio fries to mayonnaise);
They have left.

I am alone.

However the biggest blow came late last year in December, when my lover broke up with me. 
This was not so much because there was a frequent get-together I was now missing out on. Nor did any support nor life-changing mental chemistry disappear.
I had made sure that when we were together and I had felt us elevating to romantic play and floating on a cloud of happiness I reminded myself:
“This is ME.
I am doing this too.
It is this level where I feel good, but I can get here without him too.”

For five years, like Tom Thumb, I had left a trail of spiritual rocks so that I could always find the way back, to the place where I had been with my lover.
So regardless of me feeling very sorry that he left, and that I would be alone there in that place where I had once been with him, it wasn’t losing this ethereal level of existence that worried me.
It was losing my identity.

During our affair I had forgotten that of course the biggest blow after a breakup is an identity one. An ego one.
I no longer “had” a lover, I no longer “was” a lover. 
After five years, I was just Suzanne…

Because I didn’t really know how I felt about that I followed the rocks back. Maybe this place where we’d been together, would tell me who I was. Or at least who I had been, during my time with him.
Who the version of me had been, there on that elevated plane of existence with him.

And I found her.
But she was so strong and so different than I remembered her.
I thought the part of myself that had been with him, had been flowy and feminine. Fun, playful, a little submissive. 
But she was none of those things.
She was there by herself, and she was unapologetic and fully at ease. She regretted that she didn’t have anyone to play with, but she knew she was not for everybody and that even if no one else ever came;
She was okay with that.
She could be there by herself, forever if needed.

It’s been a month since we broke up, and I feel ambitious and certain.
I have ended teaching yoga, and will go on “merely” as a writer and a publisher.
Suddenly, I was able to wrap up two years of not knowing,
that will be remembered for Only Lonely, Silent Night and The Hardest Part is the Night.
Two years which both history and me, will forget.

“All of us were going through tough times on a personal level.
And the strain told on the music we produced.
It wasn’t a pleasant experience… Lance Quinn wasn’t the man for us, and that added to the feeling that we were going about it badly.
None of us want to live in that mental state ever again.
We’ve put the record behind us, and moved on.”
Jon Bon Jovi on 7800 Fahrenheit

Maybe my lover was not the man for me.
And I would have gladly skipped the two years that were the worst period of my life.
But 17 months after 7800 Fahrenheit, Bon Jovi brought out their third album. It was their breakthrough and the #1 best-selling album of 1987.
Slippery When Wet.

Sounds like this will turn out great.

Rock Star Writer

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January 2021
This site started in 2019 as Rock Star Yoga, and this post from January 2020, concluded with this paragraph :

About Rock Star Yoga

The three pillars of Rock Star Yoga are:
1. raising your energy
Through any and all means nessecary. Two big often overlooked sources of energy are Purpose and Sexuality. By limiting these, you are limiting your potential and your energy.
Raising your energy also means, to raise your energy through yoga
(versus merely focusing on relaxation) or to engage in yoga in order to prepare and support your body to channel these big waves of creative energy.
2. RSY means a fully creative self-practice
Versus taking classes, sticking to a schedule or educating yourself in a certain lineage.
If you feel unsure where to start, you can find help on
YouTube. Yoga with Adriene, is my personal favorite. But there are plenty of other tools around.
If/ once you feel safe enough, you can let go, and just let the body express in the way it desires.
3. RSY means your body is your instrument
Just look at the way Slash handles his guitar, and an entire new way of looking at, and experiencing, your body, could arise. 


She Don’t Know Me

This is the official Star Wars trailer, released a few hours ago:

“But I do”

“People keep telling me they know me. No one does.”
Kylo Ren:
“But I do.”

If you’ve followed the new Star Wars trilogy, you know that Rey has every reason to feel alienated. She doesn’t know who her parents are. And she’s also confused because she can feel this force inside of her, which she describes in The Last Jedi as “Something inside me has always been there, but now it’s awake and I’m afraid.” 
Whether Kylo Ren is so sure he knows her because he knows about her heritage? Or feels he knows all about her because of their Force bond?
Or perhaps because he’s just good with the ladies?
We ll have to wait until December 19 to find out.

But the truth is of course that Rey is right.
No one really knows her.
Or you.

But the biggest problem is not that others don’t really know us, but that we don’t really know ourselves. We’re all haunted by Forces within us, that may have stayed dormant for decades, until they are suddenly awake.
And usually they are awakened by facts or circumstances that need severe processing by themselves already.

They don’t usually awake on a quiet Tuesday morning, entirely by themselves.

On an interesting side-note about when Rey’s Force was awakened: 
Among Star Wars fans in general, and in particular among the ones who call themselves “Reylos”, from the by us perceived pairing of Rey and Kylo, it is believed that the reason The Force awakened in Rey in the first place (The Force Awakens, 2015), was because Kylo Ren set foot on Jakku!
The desert planet where she lived.

Kylo’s ship lands on Jakku, the door opens and a heavily masked and cloaked Kylo Ren enters the Star Wars trilogy, and awakens The Force inside of Jakku resident Rey.
Kylo being the trigger to The Force awakening is Rey, is how (we) Reylos explain the title The Force Awakens.

Our Reylo prediction for the new Star Wars is that this bond and history between Kylo Ren and Rey, will be explained.
In the novelization of The Force Awakens, Kylo Ren actually says upon seeing Rey: “It is you!”

Implying he has heard about her, has a shared history with her, or perhaps he’s a few years older and he saw her being brought to Jakku.
Most likely because she is part of a prophecy, or otherwise so powerful, that she cannot be raised somewhere her enemies would find her.

All in all, the reason Rey feels no one knows her, is not so much a consequence of other people not having a good enough understanding of her. But of her not having a good enough understanding of herself.
First because of her missing parents.
And then because of this Force awakening.

To make matters worse the last of the Jedi (masters of the Force) has stopped believing in himself and has locked himself onto a desert island, and the only one who is eager to connect with her is Kylo Ren.
Who is described in all Star Wars lore as “a dark side warrior”.

Rey and Kylo have uncontrolled and spontaneous Force Skypecalls, where they suddenly have an intergalactic connection.
The only one who understands Rey, is the one the entire Universe has instructed her not to date.

No wonder Rey is confused.

To then say people don’t understand who she is?
That’s where she goes wrong, right?
That’s where we all go wrong.

The people around us can only reflect the truth we hold about ourselves.
If we don’t know ourselves, believe in ourselves, trust ourselves?
Very soon, the only one who can look us straight in the eye, really connect with us, and bring us further on our path?
Is a dark side warrior named Kylo Ren.
Saying in that husky, seductive voice:
“It is you.”

I’ll take it.

Rock Star Writer

“She don’t know me” is a Bon Jovi song from their first album.
I added the video below.

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If That’s What It Takes

I used to see it VERY clearly:
But not anymore.
I knew I was going to change the face of yoga, and most of all – I was going to change how people view it.
From something with limited applicability, something learned from someone else, to something limitless and personal.
Something unique and creative.
Something YOU create by stepping onto your mat, putting on the music of your choice and just take it away.

I imagined you’d already practiced with YouTube videos from Yoga with Adriene, or taken a few classes in your town.
Perhaps you weren’t able to find a studio or class times to suit your need.
These blogs on how yoga doesn’t have any rules, and that finding inspiration within yourself is the key, would strengthen your belief in yourself and protect you from looking outside of yourself for guidance.

But like I said:
I can’t see it anymore.
Not the BIG picture.

I can see the small picture, of me keeping this blog on as a hobby project, and helping the occasional student who wants help designing their own practice.
But I can’t see the big picture, where I change the face of yoga.

And the main reason is that I think I m autistic, and if that is the case it means that my entire frame of mind is different.

In the light of my autism, the reason I failed as a yoga teacher, and the reason teaching stressed me out becomes extremely simple:
Because teaching yoga, especially as a woman, is what we autistic people call “super neurotypical”.
It means all social standards, unwritten rules and expectations apply to me.
And then some.

I ve seen different transcripts of a neurotypical conversation, versus a conversation between two autistic people. Two autistic people talk by alternating having a monologue about a certain subject.
They have a high density of information.
It is content driven.

Two neurotypicals have conversations based on making each other feel good, have a low information density.

The reason I can’t see myself changing the face of yoga anymore, is that yoga already has the perfect neurotypical face:
It is based on making you feel good and has a low information density.

In my defense: I do make a good one-on-one connection, where we immediately get to the core of what it is that moves you and inspires you.
But if you just “brush by me” or come into contact with me, without me being able to tune into you personally?
My presence could have a terrible effect on you; You may unexpectedly feel the pain of knowing you’ve been living the wrong life.
And then what?

Can I then still say Rock Star Yoga is great, because it provides an inspirational, personal approach to yoga and doesn’t have the limitations of taking group yoga classes in normal studios?
I say: “I wish you had never met me, because I ve only made things worse.”

My autism diagnoses is telling me what I have known for a long time: That most people are better off not knowing me.

That it’s only the one percent within the one percent, who will absolutely thrive knowing they can design their own yoga, just like they can design their own life.
My clarity, my presence, and probably my mental makeup because I m autistic are just as great for them, as they are highly disturbing for those who are just Googling “yoga”.

I no longer want to change the face of yoga, because I believe its current face is perfect to most.

But then how do I reach the one percent within the one percent, without disturbing yoga for the others?

Rock Star Writer

afterthought 9 December 2020

This post was written 14 months ago, and I still don’t know the answer to this question.

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Burning Bridges/ We Don’t Run

I always thought Bon Jovi’s 13th album Burning Bridges (21 August, 2015) and their fourteenth This House Is Not For Sale (in shorthand “THINFS”) had been released a lot closer together.
But due to THINFS being pushed back, they were ultimately over 14 months apart.
Months which were spent rebuilding 50% of the bridges which were commemorated on Burning Bridges.
Unfortunately, this was the 50% where Bon Jovi had split with their record company.
Not the 50% where Bon Jovi split with its other front man, Richie Sambora.
which will probably always remain an enigma, although I do think they will get back together.

All in all, Burning Bridges was an album Bon Jovi didn’t want to make, and the last song, Burning Bridges, makes that abundantly clear:

Adios, auf wiedersehen, farewell
Adieu, good night, guten abend
Here’s one last song you can sell
Lets call it burning bridges
It’s a sing along as well
Ciao, adieu, good nacht, guten abend
Play it for your friends in hell

song Burning Bridges

The song Burning Bridges and the album with the same name, were their goodbye to Mercury/ Universal Music after a 32 year collaboration. But they kissed and made-up, as Jon put it, and fourteen months later THINFS was released by Universal again, this time on their label Island music.

In a clip I found on YouTube (sound-only) Jon cryptically referred to Burning Bridges as their latest record, but not their next.
They didn’t release singles from Burning Bridges, there was no art work, and Jon delivered it in a brown paper bag.
Since I assume files are sent digitally nowadays, the picture of Jon delivering the master tapes in a brown paper bag to Universal manually, could be him exaggerating.
But I don’t know.

Burning Bridges was the only album almost entirely without art work

But Burning Bridges, although low-key presented as an album “for the fans”, was not a bad album at all.
And without any videos or art work, it had a nostalgic bootleg feel to it.
The fans loved the songs, and I’m your man is a personal favorite of mine.
And the band itself loved the song We don’t run so much, that they put it as a bonus track on their next album THINFS.

We don’t run, that song that was on Burning Bridges, but brought over to their next album as well,
has also been played throughout their entire THINFS tour (2017-2019).
So Burning Bridges wasn’t a bad album.

The song We don’t run contains a direct referral to the album Burning Bridges:

I’m not afraid of burning bridges
‘Cause I know they’re gonna light my way
Like a Phoenix, from the ashes
Welcome to the future it’s a new day

from the song We don’t run (live)

Today I used the album Burning Bridges as the soundtrack to my yoga.
And it reminded me of a somewhat related story, about the rebirth of my yoga practice.
In July 2018 I quit teaching groups, closed my yoga studio, and looked forward to practicing yoga just for myself and start enjoying myself on the mat again.
But none of those things went as planned.
14 months later, I still own my yoga space for teaching privates, but I didn’t really get my mojo back for my home practice.
Not until today!

Today FINALLY after 14 months, “it’ dropped.
Just like the THINFS album, my renewed home practice, Rock Star Yoga, was born much later than I had anticipated.
As if the release date kept being pushed forward, because it wasn’t done yet.

We often think we can speed new things up by marking the ending of the previous.
But it cannot be rushed.

Fourteen months is a perfectly normal time frame, for a band to reinvent itself after marking losing Richie Sambora who had been with the band for thirty years.
Just like fourteen months was normal for me, after quitting teaching after 15 years.
You can’t whip yourself into a new, finite shape, no matter how much you would want to.

“The Burning Bridges record is our latest.
It’s not our next.
This is sort of the end of the cycle. Not the beginning of the new one.
2014 was a pretty traumatic year for me. And I’ve come through it. ”
Jon Bon Jovi, July 2015

When Jon Bon Jovi started giving promo interviews for THINFS, late 2016, he said he had had three very bad years.
Counting 2015, the time of Burning Bridges, as one of them. He wasn’t done yet; All he had done was burn the bridges.

No one knows how long it will take for a new band, a new yoga, a new life, to rise from the ashes.

But for the lucky ones, it’s fourteen months after burning the bridge. 

Rock Star Writer


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Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars

“My heart’s like an open book
For the whole world to read”
~Nikki Sixx

I was going to share everything.
After all, I am just like Nikki Sixx, an open book.
And as far as I have secrets, I review them regularly, if they still require to stay hidden.
Usually they don’t.
They re just my ego telling me I won’t be loved and successful if I share that side of myself.
When really?
Does the world need another great pretender?
Rip the band-aid.
Bare your naked soul to the world, as my favorite online coach Katrina Ruth calls it.

In the context of taking honesty to a whole new level, I was going to share this weekend’s stunning photos of Jon Bon Jovi in a crispy white shirt, which were taken on Saturday.
It was at an annual fundraising for the Apollo theater, and the photos bore the mark of Getty images and the photographer.
Because the mark was always on the right of the photo, and Jon Bon Jovi was always standing, watermark-free, on the left side, I was already doing a decent job cropping him out, to make a collage with the older one;
A photo of Jon in a crispy white shirt last Saturday and a 90s (I think) photo taken by an anonymous photographer. Also of Jon in a white shirt, sitting by the pool.

Until I realized this is how I could get into trouble. By using photos from a press agent.
It took until I clicked on a version that had actual price tags onto them, before I snapped out of my Paint job and was like:
“You know what? I ll blog with the anonymous, retro shot of Jon Bon Jovi at the poolside to make my point.”

In case you need a visual of the pictures that blew my mind this Monday morning, just read on we’ll get to that.
I didn’t see current-day Jon in white shirt on the official press release of Getty Images, nor on the website of Harlem’s Apollo Theater.
I saw them on a Facebook page for Jon Bon Jovi fans.

Now, this in itself is a small miracle because I don’t spend much time on Facebook. The only social medium I like is Twitter, because it allows much better conversation, and is based on your personal interests. There is also less censorship on Twitter, it’s an adult thing, and you don’t have to use your real name.
You click with other people on mutual interests, it’s as simple as that.

Facebook gets about half a post to seduce me to spend time there, before I click to my notifications and start handling my messages and my pages.
Half a post, that’s all.
Today the JBJ fan page hit me with this one.
(For the fans check post 2, which has the other photos taken this weekend)

The specific current-day Jon Bon Jovi in white shirt photo that blew my mind was this one.

It really was so profound that I found myself kind of needing to process that, and it slowed down starting my day. It was impossible to think about anything else until I knew WHY I liked looking at Jon Bon Jovi so much.

This weekend I already had a long conversation with my mother, to ask her if she could please share her take on male beauty with me.
Because I never see it coming, until it’s too late.
That men are swiped off their feet by beautiful women?
A given.
But how many women are aware that they are swept off their feet by beautiful men?
Or are they not?
Am I an exception?

And what is it then, this mysterious thing we call male beauty?

The last question was a good one to ask my mother, because she’s always much quicker in determining it. I even have a case of my mother saying someone was beautiful, and me simply laughing about it.
And then becoming completely smitten later on.
She knows stuff.
I don’t, not before he has already done his enchanting work.

Together with my mother we came up with a few characteristics.
Teeth, hair, and overall attitude.
I was the one adding “teeth”.
How he holds himself was definitely numero uno, when it came to being an attractive man.
Great teeth, great hair and a strong on-screen and off-screen presence, are as much part of current day Jon Bon Jovi, as they were his traits on the undated photo near the pool.
So nothing new there.

And then it hit me!
This is a cookie jar thing!
Beginners mistake!
But let me explain.

If you re on a diet and you refuse something that is offered to you, for example a cookie from the cookie jar, this costs energy, causing your willpower to plummet.
If after that somebody offers it again, you will not only take the cookie. You ll probably take two, three or a two fists full of cookies.

And in that light, it suddenly made total sense that my Monday morning had a startup delay from one current-day Jon Bon Jovi photo in a white shirt.

Because a week ago, someone sent the first retro shot of Jon by the pool, to me and I tried to resist.
I tried to pretend that barefoot Jon by the pool with his shirt open, was something I could also not swoon over.

Please note that this whole “acting like a grown-up” pose, was taking place during my Rock Star Yoga fallout.
[*note: in 2019 the blog was called Rock Star Yoga]

I was not practicing yoga.
I was not writing for this blog.
But I was super busy wondering where the inspiration went.
(where do you think? could it be sitting by the pool perhaps?)

Pondering over why was I no longer caring for doing yoga to Bon Jovi music and then write about it.
(Uh, maybe because you’re ignoring that cute photo?)

Hard lesson huh?

Inspiration did come to me during that fallout from doing yoga or writing for this blog.
Yet in hindsight?
Oh, it came more than once.

I said in the previous blog (Fever) that I had strong feelings for Nikki Sixx and I wrote an erotic story under my pen name.
Or perhaps I left that out, because I/my ego wanted to keep that from you, but that’s what it was.
Full-on erotica.
I had inspiration in spades!

But I thought it was inspiration that wasn’t fancy enough to share here. I didn’t want to be the weirdo yoga teacher who only practices if she feels inspired by male rock stars.

So I said “No” to the cookie of letting Nikki Sixx inspire my yoga and Rock Star Yoga blog; I said “No” to Jon by the pool inspire me;
And I tried to take the edges off, by taking that inspiration over “to the other side” of my blog under my penname.
The non-fancy side.

Yet, this morning, the cookie jar came again!

I had no more willpower left to resist and let it have me.
Thought about it for as long as I needed to think about it, which was one Monday morning.
And then I wrote this long blog post about the stunning appeal of Jon Bon Jovi wearing crispy white shirts.

Moral to this story?
Take the damn cookie.
And take it the first time.

Rock Star Writer

Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars is a Bon Jovi song from Crush (2000)
And was played on almost concerts on their most recent tour.

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“Fever” is at played at 47:10

With my last yoga practice, over a week ago, I made two mistakes.
One was to even have a yoga practice, even though it was already 11 PM and I knew I would want to write about it as well.
[*note: in 2019 the blog was called Rock Star Yoga]

This resulted in going to bed at 4 AM.
Yes, I had done my yoga, and nourished the soul by writing about it.
But I had also completely wrecked my biorhythm.

The second mistake was that I was doing yoga listening to a Bon Jovi concert on YouTube, on my phone and  accidentally looked at the screen mid-practice.
I was immediately hooked and couldn’t put it down anymore.
In my defense: It was sleeveless-Jon.
Someone who rarely gets a No from anybody regarding anything, and this was no exception.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and finished my practice placing the phone on strategic places watching the show, as I went through the moves.
You can read about this first time doing yoga while watching a concert here.

I learned from the first mistake, in the sense that I now didn’t practice yoga at midnight anymore. In fact, I didn’t practice it at all.
But ultimately, after
I got over the initial crankiness that I had lost my yoga practice yet again, I realized it was time well spent.
Because I was still holding back.
It was still not right.

I had invented Rock Star Yoga;
A method where you design a self-practice based on who you really are and what you really like to do. But in no way was I hurrying to my mat, the way I hurry to my computer to write out a story that I have in my head.
I wasn’t spending every waking minute on my yoga mat, the way I watch Nikki Sixx interviews on YouTube while doing the dishes.

Soon after my 4 AM yoga bender, yoga dropped off the list of Things I Really Wanna Do, where Nikki Sixx now dominated place 1, 2 and 3.
Even Jon was, for a day or four, nowhere to be found, although I still listened to Bon Jovi music.
But my personal obsession with him was definitely less prone, and I knew this also kept me from going back to my yoga mat b
ecause my entire rock star yoga practice (so far) had been based on listening to Bon Jovi during yoga, and because I was in love with Jon this worked really well.

Now that I was in love with Nikki Sixx, things had come to a halt.

My own homemade Rock Star Yoga, which I was sure would inspire me for the next 20 years, just like Madonna had gotten me through the first two decades,
vanished the moment Nikki Sixx entered my heart.

It’s a long story how he got there but he was there now, and I spent the week largely writing about Nikki Sixx, and all the sexual feelings he stirred up.
I did this for my other account, my pen name, and this is what did get me up every morning, hungry to start writing.
And that’s how I learned my lesson.

Because unlike other yoga teachers, I do not believe that doing yoga should be a discipline. Something that you may feel like doing one day, and maybe not the next, but that it doesn’t matter because you have discipline, and you do it anyway.
Or they do it anyway.

Because to me, there is a difference between yoga and penicillin.
Yoga is like writing.
Yoga is like sex.
And therefor the only correct way to do yoga is if you just can’t NOT do it.

If you don’t care how many appointments you have to cancel, how many hours of sleep you have to miss. If the thought of not doing it is simply unbearable because you just want it so badly.
Until you feel that?
You re trying to make things happen, and it’s not Rock Star Yoga.

And it wasn’t just the yoga that I had screwed up, because I wanted to be a polished disciplined version of myself that I am not.
The writing too, for this site, was not the right from the heart, unfiltered, non-tampered, style that I had been using for my penname account.

So it became clear to me, that the key was in how much liberty I gave myself in writing under the other name, versus restrictive I was when it came to this account and to doing yoga.
As long as I would hold back even a little bit, it was never going to work.

For example:
I initially didn’t even give myself permission to switch my affection from Jon Bon Jovi to Nikki Sixx, because it “messed up this site”.

Same with yoga.
There really is only ONE way to do yoga!
The way I want it, when I want it, and how I want it.
And this may change every day, just like my writing under my pen name changes every day.

I cannot afford to hold judgement over whether or not it’s a bad thing that I watch the screen when I practice or not.

Tonight’s practice, with a 80 minute video A Night With Bon Jovi (1992, MTV) started out not looking at the screen.
But then there was a behind the scenes intermezzo, and I just couldn’t contain myself and had to watch.
And poof!

Gone I was! Again.
Hooked to watching.

But this time I was no longer ashamed. I was grateful. So grateful to live in this age of technology, and free concerts to watch. Grateful that I could watch this band in their prime, and let their zest for life infuse my practice.

Over the years I ve studied at least four yoga lineages, who help women to stay young and their sexual organs healthy.
One of them is even officially called:
Hormone yoga.
These yoga methods for women’s health are legit, perhaps even evidence based. If you teach them or practice them you belong with the Pros. The people who take yoga seriously.

Rock Star Yoga is about letting all of that go.

If you want to start living a life that sets you on fire, you have to stop distinguishing between what’s so called good, and what’s so called the bad way to do it.
You have to embrace what YOU love.

Not the soulless, lifeless version what everybody else says you should be doing to stay young and fit and healthy.
Look for the overwhelming desire to do it, or as Charles Bukowski said on writing:
“If it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.”
“if you have to wait for it to roar out of
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.”

Don’t do yoga unless it roars and comes bursting out of you.

Rock Star Writer

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Work for the working man

video: memorable performance and video of “Work for the Working Man” at the o2 in London 2010, night 10 (not night 11, as uploaded by hAnD90)

If it hadn’t been for this blog*
I would not have done my yoga.
[*note: in 2019 the blog was called Rock Star Yoga]

Yesterday and the day before that were both slow, extremely hot days, and I practiced at nighttime with my balcony door open.
And tonight I was out for the night, so when I came home I wasn’t exactly brimming with excitement at the idea of going to my mat.
This is Rock Star Yoga.
And the rules of Rock Star Yoga are: Do something that works for you. Inspire yourself. Put on some music. 
Make it FUN.
So I did.

For inspiration I turned to hAnD90; a Bon Jovi channel on YouTube that uploads remastered material.
They had just uploaded a concert and it looked promising:
A Bon Jovi show from 2010, shot at the O2 Arena in London.

I put it on while I was trying to come down from my night out, and doing the dishes.
The sound quality was good, and the video quality too, although both suffered from being shot from the stands/ far away.

The video was a wide shot of the entire stage, and you could hear voices of people standing close to the recording device.
But I liked it.

After the dishes I dedicated the second half of the concert, to my yoga practice.
And for the first time I decided to do yoga with headphones.
It was already past 11 PM, the balcony doors were open, and I didn’t want to make too much noise.
I tucked my phone into my pants, playing the video, and as long as I didn’t do inversions or laid on my back, my yoga practice would be okay.

The past two days I only did very gentle yoga, but I had enough of keeping it so calm, and did standing poses and sun salutation inspired poses.
But then, transferring into lying poses, I made a mistake.
I intended to take the phone out of my pants, and place it on the floor next to me, and do my inversion practice with shoulderstand, bridge and plow pose variations.
But I looked at the screen and-
It was sleeveless Jon!

Sleeveless Jon only comes out when things are getting heated, and this year he has barely come out at all.
This House is Not for Sale tour 2019 was already in week 6 or 7 when he finally made his debut appearance.
And I turned out to have a VERY STRONG reaction to sleeveless Jon!
It was probably a good thing we didn’t get to see him at Goffertpark, Nijmegen, because I m unsure if I would have been able to concentrate.
Maybe I would have relapsed into my 80s fainting thing, and be dragged to First Aid for some water.
But here he was.

And not only was Jon sleeveless, in the new upload from hAnD90 he was wearing his Let it Rock t-shirt!
A t-shirt I knew from two live recordings from my favorite Bon Jovi songs;
Let it rock (live) and Dry Country (live)

So while doing yoga I accidentally watched the screen and saw I now had a whole show with Jon wearing his sleeveless lavender colored top.

The beauty of this light color is that you can see him working up a sweat.
In hindsight I find it remarkable that I can drool over Jon Bon Jovi working up a sweat, and at the same time being a lazy-ass lizard myself, when temperatures in my living are above what I find ideal to actually do something on my yoga mat.

I was only halfway into my practice and I was now confronted with Jon Bon Jovi in the lavender T, something I had watched dozens of times because Dry County and Let it Rock had been my favorite live videos.

Yet I just couldn’t put my phone down again.
I was magnetized.

Bon Jovi played the O2 in London twelve times in 19 days.
Let it Rock and Dry County were not played in the show which was uploaded by hAnD90. But I just checked and “my” Let it Rock video and Dry County live were indeed filmed at O2 too.
Just on other nights.

So during the second half I watched the screen while doing yoga. Whether it was a lying twist, a wide-angle seated pose or a forward bend;
I managed to put the phone somewhere I could watch the pretty boring wide shot of the stage, with a 2 centimetre high Jon in a lavender shirt.
Yet I was glued to the screen.

I could not see the sweat here, because it was such a wide shot. But I could see his grinding hips, the powerful dance moves, the wide spread arms.
At one point he practically makes love to his microphone stand, or he’s making an elegant way down to study the set lists taped to the floor.
Or both.

For my long relaxation, I did stop looking at the screen.
The entire three song encore ( When we were beautiful, Wanted dead or alive, Livin’ on a Prayer) I just lay on my back with my eyes closed and listened.
Jon appeared, even with closed eyes.
He was wearing the lavender shirt and he was sitting next to me.
It was the Keep the Faith Jon, from the early nineties.
I liked his hair (pretty similar to 2010, slightly longer) and especially his golden earrings. They were so bold.
Jon stayed next to my mat, and we talked.

I don’t know which lesson was more important:
To not look at my phone halfway into my practice.
Or to realize that what distracts you only does so, because it’s already inside.

Rock Star Writer

video: Bon Jovi | Live at O2 Arena | Night 11 | London 2010
Work for the Working Man is number 19
(the set list in description box video)

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99 In the Shade

update, September 20, 2020

You’re about to read the second post I wrote for this blog,
which was then still called Rock Star Yoga.
Not Rock Star Writer.

And this blog post is interesting, because you can really see the coat of this being a yoga blog, didn’t fit, right from the start.

That ultimately I m not a yoga teacher, nor a writer.

I am a Bon Jovi fan.


99 In the Shade

original post, July 25, 2019

JBJ in bath in the 80s: this was my original pic

I was Googling a photo to go with this post, which I intended to call “99 in the Shade” after the Bon Jovi song.
The title seemed fitting because today was the highest temperature ever measured, in the Netherlands.
Technically it was not 99 degrees, but 104 degrees Fahrenheit.
Blistering heat.

I wanted a photo of Jon taking a swim or something but ended up finding disturbingly few pictures of Jon swimming in the sea or even visiting the beach, from before 2015
I think having a vacation is a new thing for him, I really do.
Anyway, because I wanted to know if this grainy 80s pic in the Jacuzzi was the best I could do
(I’m saving 80s Jon in super tiny short for emergency pick-me-ups)

I gave it one more go, Googling Jon Bon Jovi + ice
At the word ice, I was already thinking of ice cubes, nipples, wriggling tongue around melting ice sticks.
My Google doesn’t have a filter, and neither does my imagination.
However, what I found was a lot more serious.
Jon had participated in the ALS ice bucket challenge.
I watched Jon Bon Jovi’s ice bucket challenge, and was highly surprised he nominated Tico Torres, his drummer; David Brian, his keyboard player; and Richie Sambora his guitarist.

Jon’s hair was already the grey and that was a post-Richie Sambora thing.
Richie left in 2013, but didn’t officially resign until 2014.
I checked the video, and it dated from August 2014.
Post-split and perhaps pre-resignation?
I don’t know.

Anyway, in an attempt to find out if Richie had answered the ice bucket challenge, I found an article that proved I wasn’t the only one surprised by Jon’s invitation to his ex-guitarist.
Article: Bon Jovi reunion fueled by ice challenge?

And there I was.

I finally had my things together with Rock Star Yoga:
A website/ this blog, a Facebook page.
I made my first public Rock Star Yoga playlist, did my practice today, and was going to write a PROPER post about it!
With yoga exercises in it, and which ones I did during each song.
It was going to be super professional, and tight!

I was no longer going to let myself be lured into the mystery that was called Bon Jovi, and in particular the story around the 2013 mid-tour departure of its guitarist.

I had already spent days and days studying it.
Writing about it.
Dreaming about it.

By now I was so deep into it, that I feared someone would one day make me pick sides or put my vision up in my Twitter bio.
Because I had written two long pieces, under my pen name, which had increased my following and had brought me new friends.

Within one week, I had gone from someone who was building her yoga business, into someone who got lost through the looking glass AND down the rabbit hole.
So the moment I officially “founded” Rock Star Yoga, this site, which up until then had “only” been a series on my YouTube;
It was more than just a business decision.
It was a life’s choice.

It was me saying:
“Fan girling days are over! Chop, chop! Take your place as a leader and go conquer the world with Rock Star Yoga!”

Yet immediately after my first successful Rock Star Yoga session, which was supposed to lead into a professional yoga blog post (this one!), with only a mild Bon Jovi reference in the title (referring to the heatwave) what do I end up doing?

Wondering about Jon’s 2014 ice bucket challenge.

Did he really hope for Richie and him to start talking again?
And if so, what happened after Richie posted his challenge?
Had Jon gotten shy, or was Richie supposed to take the initiative after Jon had made the first move?
Questions, questions.

All we know is that Richie Sambora officially resigned from Bon Jovi in 2014.
And that Suzanne Beenackers did 70 minutes of very relaxed lying around on the floor Rock Star Yoga, on Thursday July 25th, 2019.

And that I find the first a hell of a lot more fascinating.

And I probably always will.


yoga log Thursday July 25: 70 minutes of yin yoga/ lying around on the floor
70 minute playlist Born Again Tomorrow
99 in the Shade is the first song.


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Bon Jovi concert reviews 1995-1996 Suzanne Beenackers YouTube